Children’s Stories: Vernon The Giraffe

I dunno why I decided to do this, boredom may be one reason. A lot of famous people write children’s stories when they stop being on the front page of the tabloids every day and people have stopped caring about them and their pointless vacuous escapades, but enough about Madonna. Kid’s books are just about the easiest thing to write because they’re so simple, you do have to include some specific things though

1. animals, kids love animals, especially talking animals
2. really really simple narrative style, just simple words, no real description
3. a plot that teaches kids something – that’s important, kids need to learn…apparantlyAnd my book’s got all 3, the main character is Vernon the Giraffe who wanders around in a crazy weird world of animals and shit, I got the simple narration, and the plot definitely gives a decent educational message, so I present
One day, Vernon the Giraffe was walking down the street.
When suddenly he spied Trevor the Seal over by the Crack Den.
“Hey Vernon” said Trevor “Wanna buy some Crack? It’s very cheap”
Vernon wasn’t sure, he knew some people liked drugs, but he didn’t and believed they did nothing for you.
So he clubbed Trevor the Crack Smoking Seal to death.
Then Vernon had an idea.
He decided to get the government to stop people smoking drugs.

And the government decided to because they were stupid.

And then Vernon could walk down the street, free of crime and other bad things.

But then Vernon saw Pedro the Cat and Gary the gigantic mutant snail type thing fighting.

And that was when Vernon realised that drugs aren’t as big a problem as he’d first thought.

So Vernon and the surviving members of the drug-dealing Seal family smoked crack all day long and everything was happy.

Until Gary the gigantic mutant snail type thing Overdosed and died.

I reckon kids can relate to it…………….I’m going to hell aren’t I?

Don’t take this seriously, I know where you live