This entry is going to focus on something media related which the Metro are guilty of, but it isn’t necessarily their fault which is breaking new ground for this blog.
If you’re unfamiliar with the Metro’s general structure, every day they get any celebrity, seemingly at random on their “Metro 60 seconds” page – an interview (supposedly conducted in 60 seconds but seriously try reading this aloud and see how long it would actually take to say such a mammoth amount of stuff) which like most interviews, offers absolutely nothing you didn’t already know or anything the celebrity’s PR department wouldn’t say. I know that I bash the Metro and other papers for publishing random paparazzi snaps of celebrities and we’re supposed to go “ooh” and gaze at them because they were in a thing we’re familiar with but there is one thing less interesting than just looking at big name celebrities in pictures: asking big name celebrities to open their mouths and form sentences:
I felt it was the right time to have a go at this section of the Metro because this one with Rob Lowe is possibly the most useless and uninteresting example a Metro 60 seconds interview. Specifically here because Rob Lowe is the most uninteresting sort of actor imaginable. You’ve probably seen him in a movie or two but he’s never the sole reason you’ve seen that movie and you’ve almost always forgotten his character’s name by the end of it. I doubt anyone’s gone “oh wow! Rob Lowe’s in a movie, I must go see that movie….oh its a biopic of the guy who invented concrete aw….but still Rob Lowe’s in it, I’ll go see it anyway!”
Movie stars are especially boring to read interviews with because they are not the main proponents of the creative work. They’re essentially arms of the movie’s marketing apparatus, they’ve been told to give a yay on whatever so they’ll give the interviewer their yay and the interviewers are just as culpable in this. They always have a few to make it seem like a personal chat thing but primarily ask generic questions related to the movie as a whole and stars always reiterate what they have been told to say about the movie in a way that’s completely neutral: not too encouraging to make you realise they’ve been told to say this stuff but not too negative to put you off. I’m not blaming Rob Lowe specifically here but this rather impersonal reiteration of “yes I am in a thing that is either coming out soon or has come out, it is *INSERT PRESS RELEASE DESCRIPTION HERE*” is so fucking boring because there’s just nothing there to spark interest or intrigue, its safe and in line with the studio’s decision to put something together based on a thing:
Little home experiment: read that first answer back to yourself with no tone of voice. Just flat words that form a sentence: are you interested in what you just read? Has what you just read given you any insight into the film that caused the interview, Rob Lowe’s approach to playing the role of John F. Kennedy himself, anything at all? This interview’s probably one of the more blatant examples of “simple publicity for the movie” as opposed to “insight for consumers” you might as well swap the entire interview for this:
Subtext isn’t this interview section’s strong suit. I mean hell, we might as well swap this page for the blank format template they use for it every time they phone up random celebrities at 2 in the morning begging for a few words on a thing that’s trending on twitter: