Stubagful NaNoWriMo 2013: Future Highs: 40’000 words

This is becoming a lapsed effort blogging wise. Usually my NaNoWriMo attempts are starting to slump by this point. My stupid drugs are made legally compulsary idea is not different at the moment. I’ve finished my “Before” section covering all the precautions put in place by the drug commission, I’m now moving into after and how events spiral from quiet, hungry mellow people giggling turns into full scale LSD inspired world war as laid out in my prologue.

I’ve split Part 2 into two sections covering all events leading up to war, then all events after. Here’s a brief rundown of how part 2 looks at the moment. I’m definitely not going to be done with this story at 50’000. Honestly writing the set word count every day is becoming stressful and I’m kinda glad the month’s almost up so I can pace myself a bit better. Still, I’ve got a lot of ideas to play with at the moment. So here’s a layout of how we follow up on the bill getting passed and everyone being required by law to light up, ingest or inject.

Part 2: After – Chapter Breakdown

More History – a more in depth look at how the innovative change in US society turned into a global issue and how almost every nation of Earth made drugs compulsary and the war that followed.

1. NEWS CLIPPING – LIVE FROM THE RED CARPET – CHANEL MYTON CAUGHT NOT SMOKING! COHERENT THOUGHT EXPRESSED! Yeah its basically a joke inversion of how the news media approaches drugs in the form of news article.

2. The Hiesenfeld Initiative – a new drama from Showtime – Episode 1
A couple of excerpts from a dramatisation about making drug law compulsary. Highly stylized and containing a few hints on what has been uncovered about the bumpy last few days of coherency since we left off Part 1.

3. “DEBATE SHOW TALK SHOW” – Transcript from news debate show set up following a government bill for transparency (Transparency had its definition changed to mean what opaque used to mean in 2137, Opaque now means translucent) Hosted by spokeswoman Ruth Powers – BROADCAST 11/11/2144
Marvin Hayes has now been made head of the DUCA commission following public scandals. Though surprisingly its revealed there have been very few major crimes committed under the new regime as everyone’s too stoned to be able to muster up the energy to do anything illegal.

4. Jase Edwards – DUCA International advisor – 34 Years till Belgium – December 2144
Now put in charge of dealing with foreign dignitaries from the New Swedish empire of European nations for peace and global harmony, Jase is depressed and can’t be dealing with making compulsation an international issue. Since marijuana became a constant day to day thing, its since stopped affecting him whatsoever and now his life is dealing with a temperamental Marvin and ironing out the cracks in the poorly written incoherent drug law.

5.  TRANSCRIPT FROM POST DUCA LOCAL ACCESS TELEVISION INTERVIEW SLOT “FOLKS ROUND THESE PARTS” – Former spokeswoman for anti drug lobby PAF (Parents Against Fun) Justine Florestine, speaks to local host Gandalf Worsorf about her organisation’s approach to campaigning legally in a post-compulsation America. She ends up realising she’s wasting her life watching her last dreary march against drug law.

6. Michelle Cowdry – Material Manager – December 2144
Michelle and Marvin are living together, mostly still in relationship because the’re secretly working on the loopholes they’ve found in drug law allowing the President to be off his meds of whatever drug he wishes realising he could do or say anything dangerous. Both are stressed because these loopholes exist because they were supposed to iron them out before drug law was past but didn’t and they’ve been working nights checking officially documents and using ink remover and switching words around. Michelle runs into a homeless and desperate Justine Florestine in the street and invites her home where she can find out all about what’s been happening at DUCA.

A rather unsettling notice from PAF leader Justine Florestine that they’re disbanding and reforming and taking more affirmative action.

8. Jase Edwards – DUCA International advisor – 34 Years till Belgium – December 2144
Michelle has been away a while when Marvin shows up and says he’s found out about the loopholes. They’re then invited a war cabinet meeting at the pentagon where the new president, a paranoid power mad man with a head that looks like a potato and his Vice President, his pink suited son called Melvin, give a speech on the dangers of the New Swedish Empire of European Nations for peace and global harmony and how they should probably nuke them just to be safe. Marvin suggests they both relocate to one of the six remaining drug free nations. Jase reluctantly agrees.

9. MIA-Z: FROM HERE ON OUT – A GOVERNMENT PROPAGANDA FILM – FIRST BROADCAST  12/12/2134 – script from a furthur government propaganda film about drug technology that’s adapting to suit the changing climate through expansion of the manufacturing industry to cope with the massive overspend on manufacturing compulsary substances for all citizens.

10. The diary of a Russian/American immigrant at an internment camp detailling how integrating immigrants from drug-free nations into compulsary society works.

11. Judith Barret – former seniour materials manager for DUCA
Judith has been kidnapped by the church of the New Rising Eyes Cream, the hardcore evangelical anti-drug religion who have set up a convent in an unknown woodland area where they are free to live their lives not getting stoned cut off from society. Judith’s job now is to gather inside information on a spy inside the DUCA commission working for a drug free nation looking to knock the US off the global hegemony perch.

As is obvious, the plot’s kind of getting out of hand since I got halfway. I think maybe I’m trying to do too much at once, but I didn’t realise just how many implications this central idea would have. One societal inversion has massive implications across the board. Once I’ve got all of part 2 done (which’ll probably be at the 50’000 word end of this difficult month) I’ll go back and do some redrafting and update.

I’m probably going to end up shoving this up as a PDF eventually just for the hell of it rather than vanity (though it technically would be vanity publishing). Though it may take QUITE a while. And yes, these updates are more for my benefit than yours so I can get a firmer grasp on my story’s structure….yeah failed didn’t it. Anyway, nearly done with this scramble for words so that’s something.

Stubagful NaNoWriMo 2013: Future Highs: Halfway – 25000.

I’m starting to doubt I’ll be finished with this story by 50000 words, which is fine. NaNoWriMo isn’t about finishing your novel, its about being 50000 of a novel which I intend to do by the end of the month.

I started with trying to figure out how a government commission would set this up but the more I thought about it, more implications came up. Wouldn’t compulsary drug law cause incoherency in government? Well undoubtedly but what if an ambitious pretender to the throne of global superpower were to use it to their advantage? So yeah, I’m taking the whole “drugs make you paranoid shtick” and constructing that narrative where there’s three organisations that come up quite a lot who could be working drug law to their own ends.

I’ve finished part one covering before and a little bit of Part 2: After, which I’ve decided to split into two sections (more on that when I reach 30000)

I’m not going to post excerpts from the narrative as that’d be a bit useless, so instead I’ll give you a rundown of what I’ve written so far (this being as much for my benefit as y….yeah no one’s reading this so yeah just my benefit)

Chapter breakdown

Prologue – A Little Bit of History
See my second post in my NaNoWriMo category

PART 1: Before

1. DUCA (Drug Unfied Compulsation Act) Commencement date speech by Arthur Hiesenfeld – 02/12/2133
I’ve posted this as well – basically establishing where all the information in the story fits at the start of it.

2. Marvin Hayes – Senior Press advisor – December 2133
Each chapter is told in third person perspective and the narrator slips in that this narrative is actually an historical analysis of events on occasion. We begin with Marvin arriving at the White House to find the DUCA commission’s prepared files have been sabotaged and four years of work need to either be found or reconstructed to coincide with compulsary drug taking start date and the commission panics.

3. “As Your Are Told” – News Debate show transcript from broadcast on 21/12/2133
Your general sensationalist news debate show breaks down over the issue of the bumbling DUCA department as all participants in the debate offer differing and stupid opinions on the lost files disaster. We get introduced to Ruth Powers, a journalist soon to become government spokeswoman for DUCA and Justine Florestine, a radical leader of anti-drug lobby PAF: Parents Against Fun who will play an important role later on in the book.

4.  Judith Barret – Materials manager – December 2133
Judith visits her father in a care home for the mentally ill where he gathers online conspiracy theories regarding DUCA and an internet cult claiming inside knowledge. Marvin demands Judith listen to her father and conduct furthur research because some of what he says tallies with a ransom video sent by the saboteurs.

5. Excerpt from “The Drug Hut Official Employee Training manual”
Lays out procedure for the government institutions to dispense public substances and introduces the mysterious new invention: the MIA-Z chip surgery.

6. Jase Edwards – Materials Supervisor – February 2134
Its been a couple of months and no furthur clues as to who’s sabotaging government preparations of the drug mire and work is progressing slowly. New materials assistant director Jase and Marvin’s ex-girlfriend Michelle, advisor to the vice president, have been dropping acid in a test to see if they can still do their jobs and obey the law.

7. Excerpt from Drug Police Department (DPD) handbook chapter 2
Lays out the daily procedure and key offences to be dealt with by the special force to keep the high up among the general populace.

8. Gerald Harding – Vice President – May 2134
The vice President is treated apallingly by the department because of his controversial public life. He has secret back room deals with a cocaine wholesaler whose shady boss demands taxpayer funds to gain exclusive rights to its sale. Gerald has his doubts over his motivations.

9. The Epistle of St Moremooshi III of the Church of the New Rising Eyes Cream – Religious political commentary site – August edition – 21/07/2134
These are clippings from a conspiratorial site run by a founder of an insane anti-drug religion which appears to be influenced by drugs but is violently against them.

10. Judith Barret – August 2134
Judith and her father attend a meeting of members of the Church of the New Rising Eyes Cream and find him to be a nutbar but one with surprising insight into government initiatives yet to be announced who makes aloof references to someone inside DUCA working to disrupt it and hand global power the US holds to a country denying drug law with designs on being the next superpower.

11. The MIA-Z Chip Surgery – A Government documentary on new drug technology
The MIA-Z chip is inserted into the pineal gland and causes a permanent high. This is a transcript from a government informercial/documentary on how it works and why it’s the best option for citizens of the new utopia.

12. Marvin Hayes – September 2134 – START DATE
Marvin takes the start date and President Harding’s announcements moodily. His department is on nothing stronger than pot as its illegal to do anything harder in his job class, a system whereby jobs are classed on their usefulness and ability to do them while stoned.
Gerald is missing for two days when he shows up at a shopping district where Marvin takes his disappearance and claims of kidnap and forced surgery sarcastically.
Gerald is then killed when an unseen force takes a bite out of his house and he vanishes.
The nation is in shock and Marvin finds that Gerald sent him his diaries from the last eight months. Marvin reads them as he slides into depression.

13. The Era of Hiesenfeld – A 6th grade historical essay by Marmozet Flueison
An incoherent child’s essay on the President that started this experiment and what were the key factors in the brave social experiment’s conception and untimely downfall.

And from then on its Part 2: After where we focus more on Gerald’s journals detailling the corporate side of the new and legal drug’s industry. Judith is working for the church. And Marvin and Jase decide maybe they should do a runner to one of the nations opposing the UN resolution on international drug law: Belgium.

Call me crazy but this is still draft 1 and making it up as you go along is the point.

Staring into Justin Bieber’s Arse: Celebrity Gossip and the News

Currently a long way off from the eventual position in his tale of rise to fame and fall to wanking off international businessmen for pennies in alleyways (don’t kid yourselves, that’s where he’s headed), Justin Bieber is all over the press at the moment having a very public mid-life crisis.

The paper I read on the way to work in the morning, The Metro, was one of probably all the papers to print snapshots of Justin Bieber’s arse as he was prepared for a strip-search at an airport. I’m not going to print the picture here because unlike the editors of the Metro; I understand that my target audience doesn’t want to see Justin Bieber’s arse at the best of times let alone the worst of times, like say the morning commute to work or when a loved one’s died of thrombosis.

However people do give a shit that Justin Bieber’s arse is displayed prominently for us to gawp at. There must be call for it because it’s there. Surely that’s how it works?

Someone saw Justin Bieber’s arse and thought: “If I take a picture of this, I could sell that picture to every single media outlet in the world. Just think, Justin Bieber’s arse will make me money. When I’m sat down to dinner with the wife and kids, I will literally be eating on Justin Bieber’s arse”.

……I’m very sorry for that mental image.

The question is how much do people really care? You’re still going to end up reading the paper whether Justin Bieber’s arse and other wank about celebrities is printed in it or not. Celebrity gossip magazines cater for people that gasp “ermegerd! Nicki Minaj ate a sandwich!” or “WTF? Kate Moss has a weird pimple on her bum!” Why is it printed in a newspaper?

Well a newspaper is there to cater for not just news, but a plethora of daily activities the reader might be interested in; TV, relationships, sport etc. It’s all based on speculation as to what their target audience will find compelling enough to direct their eyeballs at for thirty seconds. As I just said though, people that care when a celebrity gets their bum out are already catered for by specific publications and would probably rather spend their time with what they believe are more important things than reading a newspaper. Like eating snails, farting and stuff like that, I don’t know what people that don’t read newspapers do.

What I’m basically saying is that Paparazzism and newspapers don’t really mix. I am all for newspapers talking about shit that doesn’t really matter as opposed to depressing you, like say printing an article about a puppy getting stuck in an air vent over some Middle Eastern peace treaty. However a publication mixing celebrity gossip with actually important bits of news doesn’t really work logically.

Is it in aid of making people who don’t care about the news aware that important shit is happening whether they care or not as they’re flicking through to the juicy bits? Or maybe it’s the other way around, maybe it’s trying to make me, a man who really doesn’t give a shit what celebrities do in their spare time aware of what they do for reasons that currently elude me. There must be a reason these two completely unrelated areas are mixed together in Newspapers without any attention paid to news and celebrities being two separate areas of interest.


Maybe it matters just as much that I, a person that cares about news, sees unimportant celebrity gossip as someone who doesn’t care about news sees the news alongside the celebrity gossip. Maybe it’s there to foster harmony between those that care about news and those that care about celebrities because these two things really are polar opposites. Maybe it’s all in aid of helping us all get along…

…or maybe its because newspaper editors are vapid cretins who just see Justin Bieber’s arse and think “people are fucking retards, of course they want to see famous people’s backsides”…that’s probably it.

So what have learnt from Justin Bieber’s arse? That whoever published the thing you’re reading thinks you’re stupid. Justin Bieber might as well have painted the words “DERP DI DERP” on his underwear. Then the message would have been clear and I wouldn’t have bothered writing this.

Have a nice day.


Children’s Stories: Vernon The Giraffe

I dunno why I decided to do this, boredom may be one reason. A lot of famous people write children’s stories when they stop being on the front page of the tabloids every day and people have stopped caring about them and their pointless vacuous escapades, but enough about Madonna. Kid’s books are just about the easiest thing to write because they’re so simple, you do have to include some specific things though

1. animals, kids love animals, especially talking animals
2. really really simple narrative style, just simple words, no real description
3. a plot that teaches kids something – that’s important, kids need to learn…apparantlyAnd my book’s got all 3, the main character is Vernon the Giraffe who wanders around in a crazy weird world of animals and shit, I got the simple narration, and the plot definitely gives a decent educational message, so I present
One day, Vernon the Giraffe was walking down the street.
When suddenly he spied Trevor the Seal over by the Crack Den.
“Hey Vernon” said Trevor “Wanna buy some Crack? It’s very cheap”
Vernon wasn’t sure, he knew some people liked drugs, but he didn’t and believed they did nothing for you.
So he clubbed Trevor the Crack Smoking Seal to death.
Then Vernon had an idea.
He decided to get the government to stop people smoking drugs.

And the government decided to because they were stupid.

And then Vernon could walk down the street, free of crime and other bad things.

But then Vernon saw Pedro the Cat and Gary the gigantic mutant snail type thing fighting.

And that was when Vernon realised that drugs aren’t as big a problem as he’d first thought.

So Vernon and the surviving members of the drug-dealing Seal family smoked crack all day long and everything was happy.

Until Gary the gigantic mutant snail type thing Overdosed and died.

I reckon kids can relate to it…………….I’m going to hell aren’t I?

Don’t take this seriously, I know where you live

Episode Thirty Five: Stuart Investigates….The Drug Trade

Download in here


Before his tragic death upon jumping the shark, Stuart set about turning his show into a hard hitting documentary that tackles big and intimidating subjects. This week he tackles the controversial issue of Britain’s illegal drug trade. This show took an unexpected turn when Stuart himself was arrested for drug abuse and upon his community service detail took to interviewing fellow junkies about their life with their habits. Eventually he was joined by Wil and they bickered about stuff like an old married couple. It was fun.

Many sound effects nicked from so if you hear a sound effect, just assume it was yours.
Bill Hicks on Marketing and Advertising
Drugs Drugs Drugs song from that anti-drug PSA
Tomorrow Never Knows – The Beatles
Criminal Minded – Dub War
The Dope Show – Marilyn Manson
Hash Pipe – Weezer
White Rabbit – Jefferson Airplane
Hello – Martin Solveig & Dragonette
Comprachicos – Pendulum
The Perfect Drug – Nine Inch Nails