He Who Moans: Doctor Who Review: The Radically Different Season 8

So, the scripts for the first five episodes of Doctor Who Season 8 have been leaked online. So I decided to read episode one and talk about how much darker and different Moffat’s made the show this season.

WARNING CONTAINS ABSOLUTELY NO SPOILERS BECAUSE I DIDN’T ACTUALLY READ IT

Please don’t post real spoilers in the comments, I don’t want to know and seriously don’t know why you’d want to go have a look anyway.

The haunting piece of music was the Gygas theme from Earthbound

#METROBLOG: Guess what? These people are richer than you!

This seems to be a regular thing in the Metro for some reason; they reprint this list once every couple of months. I honestly can’t fathom why and its rather annoying for a multitude of reasons, so if anyone knows one of the Metro’s editors; can you please send him/her a link to this blog accompanied by the words: “TARGET AUDIENCE”?

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…thanks Metro. I wanted to know that. The information that I absorbed in this article was so enlightening. I can use this information in my everyday life, reminding me how utterly poor and worthless I am while screaming: “Rich cunts! they get everything!!!”

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….who is interested in this Metro? Which commuters who spend about 15% of the wages on travel in and out of london, to and from work everyday want to read about how one of the lesser known members of One Direction earns five times more in the space twenty minutes than they will in their entire lifetime? Even if you are rich, I’m sure a certain cross section of regular commuters are rich, even if they read: “Hey guess what? These are the top earning celebs,” I guarantee won’t give two flying shits because what’s the purpose of informing them of that? Who needs to know this? Who cares? Who are you catering for?

Of course someone’s likely to tell me its aspirational media here; its meant to make you wanna change your life to be rich and successful…problem is its not saying how to or what that aspiration to be rich and successful will actually achieve. Its just saying who is rich. They print these lists every three months or so and its just: “THESE CELEBS THAT EITHER SING OR APPEAR ON TV EARN LOTS” you can’t really interpret a lot from that except apparently Adele earns lots when she does nothing at all. Wow, my life feels so enriching knowing I earn 0.0028% of that doing lots of things (0.0017% after tax & travel) and she earns billions by doing nothing. Like, who wants that thrown at you on your commute? I know a newspaper is meant to be “STUFF YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN, WE’RE TAKING OUR CHANCES,” spread over about 40 pages, generally speaking you don’t what you’re gonna get, but the problem I’m highlighting here is this is completely useless information that also slaps about 90% of its readership in the face if they happen to be in the position of reading the metro. Who wants to read this and why? I’m sure you at least want to have some impact on your readers’ lives Metro, otherwise why are you even bothering putting out a paper at all? You could try putting some effort into finding out what commuters could and couldn’t give a toss about.

I swear they’re a few steps away from putting out a list like this one:

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Please stop doing this shit Metro, its not what you’re for. The fact some celebrities earn lots is not news or of any interest to your target audience.

An Illustrated Review of Fifty Shades Darker Prologue: The Nightmare Returns

https://stubagful.wordpress.com

Watch me burrow into this new hole with a poorly directed prologue to my new stickmen animated sequel review series/torture porn parody/adaptation/thing……

…..yes I do have dumb ideas sometimes, but at least its something to do.

NOT MINE:
Gygas Theme from Earthbound (Nintendo) by Keniichi Suzuki & Hirokasu Tanaka (sorry if I spelt the names wrong)
Spawn (HOB) theme by Shirley Williams
Music from The Whining (Warner Bros.)
Barbie Girl by Aqua (Universal/MCA)

Some more short clips from Stubagful

Hey internet! Anyone wanna see new videos from stubagful? Well here’s barely a minute and a half of recycled material!

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……………….yeah…..more videos coming soon, promise 🙂

 

Fifty Shades of Grey Product Placement: The Board Game

They made this….I haven’t bought it but to be honest, do you need to?

Fifty Shades of Grey was written (if you can call it that) by E.L James and is published by Random House
NOT MINE: Let’s get it on by Marvin Gaye (Tamla records)

Originally from “An Illustrated Review of Fifty Shades of Grey” – a comprehensive chapter by chapter review of the book found here:

 

The Fifty Shades of Grey Video Game EXCLUSIVE Gameplay Footage

Coming soon to a console near you! A nonexistent RPG based on the best selling pile of pretentious whiny drivel!

Music from Pokemon owned by Nintendo.

 

The Fox and the Hound UNRELEASED ALTERNATE ENDING

Yes of course this is a joke

The Fox and the Hound is owned by Disney and has been ruined here for the purposes of satire/parody

Originally from An Out of Context Review of The Fox and the Hound

 

#WTFIsXmas? – #Christmas Cash Cows #comedy #jokes #sketches – @z1radio

WARNING: Contains some Strong Language and the occasional funny moment

No longer a time for goodwill to all men, Christmas means CASH these days, so we’re looking at how companies using Christmas themes to drag every last penny out of your miserly pockets. We’ve got the brand new John Lewis Christmas advert and the latest board game: Christmas Family Row.

Download WTF is Xmas? – Christmas Cash Cows

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This Week We Watched: Black Nativity! No, it’s not one of Stuart’s sketches…it’s actually REAL! Billed as “A Feelgood Christmas Gospel Musical” we headed to see what the film had to offer to get us into the Christmas spirit…it’s fair to say we were somewhat out of place (and unwanted) in the cinema.

This Week We Read: Christmas Gift Books – you know the sort, the ones that you get for people you really don’t know, or care about. We looked Fifty Sheds Of Grey and had a go at getting Stuart into Extreme Sports.

Christmas Bullsheet Headlines include:

“SANTA CALLS BY HELICOPTER”, “COAT MOSS” and “SUPER COCKROACH INVADES NEW YORK”

PLUS: We try out this year’s brand new must-have board game: Christmas Family Row, from Backstabbing Games.

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#WTFIsXmas? – Will SOMEBODY think of the children? #comedy #satire #sketches #xmas – @z1radio

WARNING: Contains some Strong Language and the occasional funny moment

Whilst everyone’s worrying about who to pull at their Work Christmas Party, Stuart and Rick step-up to think about THE CHILDREN this Christmas. Yes, your Christmas Grinches are stepping up and keeping the little blighters entertained and enlightened this Christmas, so you don’t have to bother. We’re like Santa’s Elves or something.

Download WTF is Xmas? – Will SOMEBODY think of the children?

Or Subscribe to us in Itunes

This Week We Watched: Channel 5′s wondrous collection of Christmas TV Movies. From ‘A Carol Christmas’ to ‘Matchmaker Santa’…if your children just aren’t excited about Christmas enough, then the fifth channel have exactly what you need!

This Week We Read: The Top 2014 Annuals from Justin Bieber, Moshi Monsters and Wizards vs. Aliens. We set out thinking they weren’t for us but realised just how much we missed them!

Christmas Bullsheet Headlines include:

“Santa’s Getting In Running Gear”, “Mum Pat First Bish” and “Toxic Mice Unleashed On Snake Invaders”

PLUS: We have the exclusive Brand New Coca-Cola Seasonal Nostalgic Christmas Holidays Advert featuring Santa himself!

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Find us both on twitter:

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#WTFIsXmas? – Bring Joy To The World and BUY STUFF – @z1radio

WARNING: Contains some Strong Language and the occasional funny moment

Stuart and Rick are trying to get into the Christmas spirit, but what does that mean when you look around us? And what the hell does “Xmas” mean in this modern age?

Download WTF is Xmas? – Bring Joy To The World and BUY STUFF

Or Subscribe to us in Itunes

This Week We Watched: The crop of ‘Insert Topic Here’ filler which fills our T.V. schedules. Including some random ‘Choir’ based advert-mentary on the BBC, the sickly remake of ‘Surprise Surprise’ and Channel 4′s ‘title first, concept later’ show Health Freaks.

This Week We Read: The Christmas Gift Guides from all your ‘favourite’ shops. Remember, they’re not adverts or even catalogues, they’re “Gift Guides” – awww, how nice of the corporations to take the thought out of buying presents!

Christmas Bullsheet Headlines include:

“Does My Goldfish Know Who I Am?”, “It’s A Premiaow Inn” and “Emails Expose Miliband’s Fury At Nightmare Balls”

PLUS: We have the exclusive trailer for the brand new Christmas film – Christmas Christmas: A Christmas Movie

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METROBLOG: Why interviewing moviestars is ultimately pointless: Rob Lowe is playing Kennedy in a movie

This entry is going to focus on something media related which the Metro are guilty of, but it isn’t necessarily their fault which is breaking new ground for this blog.

If you’re unfamiliar with the Metro’s general structure, every day they get any celebrity, seemingly at random on their “Metro 60 seconds” page – an interview (supposedly conducted in 60 seconds but seriously try reading this aloud and see how long it would actually take to say such a mammoth amount of stuff) which like most interviews, offers absolutely nothing you didn’t already know or anything the celebrity’s PR department wouldn’t say. I know that I bash the Metro and other papers for publishing random paparazzi snaps of celebrities and we’re supposed to go “ooh” and gaze at them because they were in a thing we’re familiar with but there is one thing less interesting than just looking at big name celebrities in pictures: asking big name celebrities to open their mouths and form sentences:scan0001
I felt it was the right time to have a go at this section of the Metro because this one with Rob Lowe is possibly the most useless and uninteresting example a Metro 60 seconds interview. Specifically here because Rob Lowe is the most uninteresting sort of actor imaginable. You’ve probably seen him in a movie or two but he’s never the sole reason you’ve seen that movie and you’ve almost always forgotten his character’s name by the end of it. I doubt anyone’s gone “oh wow! Rob Lowe’s in a movie, I must go see that movie….oh its a biopic of the guy who invented concrete aw….but still Rob Lowe’s in it, I’ll go see it anyway!”

Movie stars are especially boring to read interviews with because they are not the main proponents of the creative work. They’re essentially arms of the movie’s marketing apparatus, they’ve been told to give a yay on whatever so they’ll give the interviewer their yay and the interviewers are just as culpable in this. They always have a few to make it seem like a personal chat thing but primarily ask generic questions related to the movie as a whole and stars always reiterate what they have been told to say about the movie in a way that’s completely neutral: not too encouraging to make you realise they’ve been told to say this stuff but not too negative to put you off. I’m not blaming Rob Lowe specifically here but this rather impersonal reiteration of “yes I am in a thing that is either coming out soon or has come out, it is *INSERT PRESS RELEASE DESCRIPTION HERE*” is so fucking boring because there’s just nothing there to spark interest or intrigue, its safe and in line with the studio’s decision to put something together based on a thing:

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Little home experiment: read that first answer back to yourself with no tone of voice. Just flat words that form a sentence: are you interested in what you just read? Has what you just read given you any insight into the film that caused the interview, Rob Lowe’s approach to playing the role of John F. Kennedy himself, anything at all? This interview’s probably one of the more blatant examples of “simple publicity for the movie” as opposed to “insight for consumers” you might as well swap the entire interview for this:

rob loweIf that’s all your interview amounts to, you haven’t done your job as an interviewer right. You’re not an interviewer, you are a marketer.

Subtext isn’t this interview section’s strong suit. I mean hell, we might as well swap this page for the blank format template they use for it every time they phone up random celebrities at 2 in the morning begging for a few words on a thing that’s trending on twitter:

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In short, what can we actually learn from the movie star interview? That you should pay money for a movie and that’s about it.

#WTFJustHappened – SEX SELLS and don’t we know it? #comedy #satire #sketches – @z1radio

WARNING: Contains some Strong Language and the occasional funny moment

Stuart and Rick deconstruct and defibrillate the media industry with sketches, sarcasm and satire.

Sex is the most googled topic and the oldest profession. Sex is on our brains. A lot. So what can Channel 4 and Bridget Jones teach us about our base pleasures? It’s Sex Week for the final WTF Just Happened!

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This Week We Watched: Channel 4′s Season Of Sex. Missed it? So did everyone else! We report on Sex Box, Diary Of A Teenage Virgin and Masters Of Sex.

This Week We Read: The brand new Bridget Jones novel. After 14 years Helen Fielding has delivered the 3rd installment which meant I just HAD to make Stuart read it.

Bullsheet Headlines include:

“BUM RAP FOR JUSTIN”, “PEAK HELL DOG LIVES” and“NEW LIGHTS IN CAR PARK”

PLUS: As we’ve been getting all loved up and sexy, Stuart and I have prepared the World’s First Dramatised Adaptation of 50 Shades Of Grey. Forget the movie, we’ve summarised it in under five minutes!

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#WTFJustHappened – Sponsored By Everyone – Product Placement on TV #comedy – @z1radio

WARNING: Contains some Strong Language and the occasional funny moment

Stuart and Rick deconstruct and destroy the media industry with sketches and satire.

Ever felt the urge to buy a new sofa? Can watching TV cost you a fortune? Product Placement is firmly part of British TV these days, so this week we’ve had a look at what this means for our screens.

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This Week We Watched: Coronation Street, the televisual adaptation of the Argos catalogue!

This Week We Read: The Mirror and The Guardian, deciphering what’s left of our ‘left wing’ press

Bullsheet Headlines include:

“SPOTTED: FEARNE”, “THE PASTERMINATOR”, “SHOPS ARE SET FOR CHRISTMAS BOOM”

PLUS: We have the Exclusive new trailer for the thrilling new action biopic, William Hague: The Sexy Foreign Secretary.

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Find us both on twitter:

http://twitter.com/5tuarthardy

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