METROBLOG: Christmas themed journalism formula

Not all of my journalism deconstruction blogs are necessarily having a go. In the vast field of journalism, there is a place for stuff like this.


This is one of about a billion features on your bog standard Christmas related things throughout the press at the moment. Christmas present guides, Christmas TV guides, Christmas movies, Christmas songs, and in this case features on Christmas dinner. Journalists at this time of year are under the pressure to try and yet again repackage what they sold you last year because its Christmas and everyone will be affected by all this stuff every year so you’re pretty much guaranteed the reader’s attention just by writing about these things in the first place. And that’s not a bad thing, journalism should on a very base level find common ground between writer and reader and for the most part, journalistic features on Christmas content achieves this fine, even though its fairly obvious that two thousand and thirteen years of  Christmases leaves journalists hopelessly struggling for new ideas.

At least here in this article, these food bloggers are acknowledging here that “yes, Christmas dinner is a turkey, roast potatoes etc, nothing new” and are trying to present Christmas cooking from a different angle. Thing is though, feature writing at Christmas, for newspapers and magazines all run on the same formula no matter what its talking about.  Reading the Metro’s life and style section during any other month really isn’t all that different, except now it all comes under the banner of Christmas.

So to to demonstrate this formula, I’m gonna swap out Christmas for another random day and write it from that perspective as though it were Christmas

platypus kievs

As you can see, holiday coverage is pretty interchangeable….admittedly the duck billed platypus is a protected species so I doubt August the 17th day would take off, I’m just using it as a general example….that and I’m not sure what day the first ammonite fossil was discovered so… get my point yeah? Good, good. let’s just leave it at that.

Happy 25th of December everyone.

#WTFIsXmas? – #Christmas Cash Cows #comedy #jokes #sketches – @z1radio

WARNING: Contains some Strong Language and the occasional funny moment

No longer a time for goodwill to all men, Christmas means CASH these days, so we’re looking at how companies using Christmas themes to drag every last penny out of your miserly pockets. We’ve got the brand new John Lewis Christmas advert and the latest board game: Christmas Family Row.

Download WTF is Xmas? – Christmas Cash Cows

Or Subscribe to us in Itunes

This Week We Watched: Black Nativity! No, it’s not one of Stuart’s sketches…it’s actually REAL! Billed as “A Feelgood Christmas Gospel Musical” we headed to see what the film had to offer to get us into the Christmas spirit…it’s fair to say we were somewhat out of place (and unwanted) in the cinema.

This Week We Read: Christmas Gift Books – you know the sort, the ones that you get for people you really don’t know, or care about. We looked Fifty Sheds Of Grey and had a go at getting Stuart into Extreme Sports.

Christmas Bullsheet Headlines include:


PLUS: We try out this year’s brand new must-have board game: Christmas Family Row, from Backstabbing Games.

Find us both on twitter:

#WTFIsXmas? – Will SOMEBODY think of the children? #comedy #satire #sketches #xmas – @z1radio

WARNING: Contains some Strong Language and the occasional funny moment

Whilst everyone’s worrying about who to pull at their Work Christmas Party, Stuart and Rick step-up to think about THE CHILDREN this Christmas. Yes, your Christmas Grinches are stepping up and keeping the little blighters entertained and enlightened this Christmas, so you don’t have to bother. We’re like Santa’s Elves or something.

Download WTF is Xmas? – Will SOMEBODY think of the children?

Or Subscribe to us in Itunes

This Week We Watched: Channel 5′s wondrous collection of Christmas TV Movies. From ‘A Carol Christmas’ to ‘Matchmaker Santa’…if your children just aren’t excited about Christmas enough, then the fifth channel have exactly what you need!

This Week We Read: The Top 2014 Annuals from Justin Bieber, Moshi Monsters and Wizards vs. Aliens. We set out thinking they weren’t for us but realised just how much we missed them!

Christmas Bullsheet Headlines include:

“Santa’s Getting In Running Gear”, “Mum Pat First Bish” and “Toxic Mice Unleashed On Snake Invaders”

PLUS: We have the exclusive Brand New Coca-Cola Seasonal Nostalgic Christmas Holidays Advert featuring Santa himself!

Find us both on twitter:

An Out of Context Review of The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t

The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t is a film where Santa is a toothless hick squatting on land bought by a financially shrewd man with a hat and moustache who refuses to give up his hopeless destitute dream of giving presents to kids with an ill thought out ruinous financial structure. Except with a tone saying we’re meant to sympathise with Santa……fuck this movie.

Pink Room by Angelo Badalamenti (Warner Bros)
The Christmas that Almost Wasn’t is owned by Goodchild Productions Inc
Schindler’s List footage owned by Universal
I Wish it Could by Christmas Everyday by Wizzard (Warner Bros)
Merry Xmas Everybody by Slade (Polydor)
Star Wars Episode 1: the Phantom Menace (Lucasfilm/Disney)
Some Pictures

#WTFIsXmas? – Bring Joy To The World and BUY STUFF – @z1radio

WARNING: Contains some Strong Language and the occasional funny moment

Stuart and Rick are trying to get into the Christmas spirit, but what does that mean when you look around us? And what the hell does “Xmas” mean in this modern age?

Download WTF is Xmas? – Bring Joy To The World and BUY STUFF

Or Subscribe to us in Itunes

This Week We Watched: The crop of ‘Insert Topic Here’ filler which fills our T.V. schedules. Including some random ‘Choir’ based advert-mentary on the BBC, the sickly remake of ‘Surprise Surprise’ and Channel 4′s ‘title first, concept later’ show Health Freaks.

This Week We Read: The Christmas Gift Guides from all your ‘favourite’ shops. Remember, they’re not adverts or even catalogues, they’re “Gift Guides” – awww, how nice of the corporations to take the thought out of buying presents!

Christmas Bullsheet Headlines include:

“Does My Goldfish Know Who I Am?”, “It’s A Premiaow Inn” and “Emails Expose Miliband’s Fury At Nightmare Balls”

PLUS: We have the exclusive trailer for the brand new Christmas film – Christmas Christmas: A Christmas Movie

Find us both on twitter:

An Out of Context Review of Braver – a Disney Ripoff

For every major Hollywood superstar, there always has to be a criminal shister ripping them off and making a killing on the side in cheap knock offs. Such is the case with subject of recent lawsuit from Disney, Brightspark, a small British animation company selling their movies to major supermarkets that sort of look like current Disney releases. We’re here to talk about one of them: Braver (not Brave, this one’s BraveR)

(Apologies for the patchy audio, I was trying out a boom mic and…didn’t really work. I promise I’ll be good, pwease still watch me?)


Pink Room by Angelo Badalamenti
Braver by Brightspark Animations
Star Wars Episode 1 Title crawl (Lucasfilm)
Footage of a dog doing a poo (Youtube user popparispoplondon)

SSHMFTOGCAW: The Best of Stuart’s Super Happy Magical Fun Time of General Confusion and Wonderment

The Best of Stuart’s Super Happy Magical Fun Time of General Confusion and Wonderment

Everyone loves a clipshow and its about time we had ours. Granted some clips may not make a whole lot of sense out of context, but whatever.

This is not the show I wanted to make (Episode 1)
Your letters and emails (Episode 3)
Real Experiences of Festival Staff (Episode 8)
Interview with Singer songwriter Hugh Carpenter (Episode 27)
The unaimiable position of defending Justin Bieber (Episode 5)
Wil Carpenter on Christmas Carols (Episode 40)
Excerpt from Stu, Wil and Hugh’s History of everything (Episode 55)
Sex Education with Mrs Dalerimple (Episode 36)
Stuart Investigates: Drugs and the Justice system (Episode 35)
Katy Perry’s Science Fiction plot-hole thing (Episode 31)
Behind the Scenes: Automatic Show creator (Episode 51)
Music that turns men on according to Cosmopolitan magazine (Episode 16)
Cuts from Sonisphere 2011 (Episode 30)
Stuart explains Pokemon (Episode 28)
Accidental summoning of the devil (Episode 41)
The change in Setting (Episode 43)
Doctor Who Finale that I won’t be here to talk about (Episode 6)
Stuart died last week: RIP (Episode 33)
An experiment (Episode 37)
Folk music with Stuart (Episode 23)
Cuts from the epic musical fantasy (Episode 32)
The giant talking stone head in the real world (Episode 52)
The teague and henry bit (Episode 50)
The Earth Explodes Trailer
Bloodstock 2012: Beating a dead horse/Drunk Stuart story
The Ending Speech (Episode 50)

Thanks for listening!

SSHMFTOGCAW: The Earth Explodes Part 1: The Anus Opens…

The Earth Explodes Part 1: The Anus Opens…

Two months after Stuart handed the show over to Hugh, things went to shit. Hugh quit and that was that. But on New year’s Eve, Stuart, Wil, Hugh and a mysterious newcomer to the group known as Spam are down the pub when they’re suddenly arrested, and dark events set in motion over the new year festivities…


Stuart’s Super Happy Magical Fun Time of General Confusion and Wonderment Main Theme – Hugh Carpenter
Satellite 15 – Iron Maiden
Xibir – Dimmu Borgir
Gateways – Dimmu Borgir
Dirty Old Town – The Pogues
Deserted Base – Retro Studios – Metroid Prime 2 Soundtrack
Space – Metroid prime 1
The Eruption – Emperor

ZoneOneRadio: Zone One Digest: A Very Vulgar Christmas


Merry Christmas and a Happy apocalypse to all who survived it. Assuming you can still read this, its Christmas tomorrow and you know what that means! More clips from people better at making radio shows than me!

As a special Christmas treat we have #LondonArts @Jenny_Runacre talking to author Sophie Parkin about her new book. Warning: Contains strong language and people being sick everywhere.

#InGoodTaste try and change your mind about that often misunderstood food: Offal and Lucy the @FoodGoblin1 talks to @Cattlegrid

#InTheZone introduce the world to a bizarre new sport: Chess Boxing

And #LondonGP talk to @radiolemans @raceofchampions in Thailand.

Merry Easter Christmas to all and a Happy Valentines Day New Year! and


Episode Forty: ‘Tis the Season of Yeah, Yeah, Yeah…

Download it here

Like a twat, Stuart moans about Christmas and how depressing he finds this time of year in general. He invites occasional co-star Wil Carpenter on for the cruelest feature in the show’s history, reviews the new Shrek spinoff, moans about the race for the Christmas number 1 and offers a guide to Christmas TV, and when I say guide I mean rant as this year its so fucking dreadful.

Hammerhead – Venom
Good King Wencleslas
Butchered at Birth – Cannibal Corpse
Accidentally in love – Counting Crows
Santa Claws is coming to town – Alice Cooper
You know I’m no good – Amy Winehouse
Smells like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
Silent Night – Bing Crosby
Disciple – Slayer
It’s Christmas in Heaven – Monty Python