Hugh’s Album Reviews: Testament – Dark Roots of the Earth

What’s this? …not Testament…Hugh you jammy fuck are you plugging a friend of your’s?

Yes, yes I am, but I wouldn’t call it plugging, I’d call it more of me ripping him a new arse hole for about 100 or so words.

It’s not the kind of stuff I have reviewed on here before for Stu’s Bagful but I’ll tell you something…(this is personally directed at Grey now) WHERE IS LAVENDER TOWN!

Grey is a ‘music producer’ who composes ‘ambient’ music. If you like to fall asleep listening to music…look elsewhere…That’s pretty much it. It’s £3 for the demo…and let’s just say you’re getting around 20 minutes of background music to listen to while you wait for me to actually write the review I’m supposed to…anyway on with the show

(Grey gets a 0/10 for being a dick)

http://soundcloud.com/the-grey-man (Grey’s page…if you’re interested…which you shouldn’t be)

Dark Roots of Earth – Testament

Who said Thrash Metal is dead…Testament’s new album was much anticipated and many reviewers weren’t disappointed. But me being the evil bastard I am I have got to try and find something.

Listening to it, this is a very pretty album, everything is polished to a gleam and you could eat a nice hot curry off of the sounds coming from your computer, vinyl player, cd player, cassette tape, grammar phones (whatever you kids use to listen to things now).

It’s almost hard to fault from a musical stand-point but I have to say (just like most Thrash Metal) it’s very samey but unlike the Cult album I reviewed the other week this album has clear endings to songs and every song has a different motif running through the piece…even if most of it is the standard Thrash Metal shit.

Some songs give me a giant Metal head stiffy (for example True American Hate and Native Blood). There isn’t much to say other than it’s Thrash Metal and is much better than many other albums that were released this year.

WILL YOU GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Testament get an 8/10 for Dark Roots of Earth

So now what’s next…

 I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE!

Now let’s see…

Oh now we’re talking….

Hugh’s Album Reviews: Festival Awards 2012

So this is probably gonna be an annual thing on this site. Here we go the music festival awards the first category is;

BEST FOOD STAND AT A MUSIC FESTIVAL

And the nominees are:

CHICKEN WRAPS                                              THE PIZZA PLACE

ROAST PORK VAN                                            THE BLOODSTOCK ARMS

And the winner of the Best Food Stand Award goes to….

THE PIZZA PLACE

I have never had a pizza that nice before…could have done with more Jalapeños though but that’s just me.

 

Our second Category is;

BEST SUPPORTING BAND

And the nominees are:

SEPULTURA (Bloodstock Open Air)                                          IGGY AND THE STOOGES (Hard Rock Calling)

BIFFY CLYRO (Download)                                                              MEGADETH (Download)

And the Winner is;

SEPULTURA

Just wow, I was blown away by these guys and I can’t believe they don’t play very often.

 

THE BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT AWARD;

Nominees:

THE SONISPHERE CANCELATION (Sonisphere)

BON IVER’S HEADLINE SLOT (Latitude)

METALLICA PLAYING BLACK ALBUM BACKWARDS (Download)

BOOKING ANVIL (Bloodstock Open Air)

And the winner is:

METALLICA

Why play it backwards…I know that the last part of the album is slightly naff but come on, people paid for the BLACK ALBUM! Not the Black Album backwards.

 

BEST SECOND STAGE BAND:

Nominees:

MASTODON (Reading/Leeds)                                    SKINDRED (Hard Rock Calling)

Amy MacDonald (Hard Rock Calling)                        WINTERFYLLTH (Bloodstock Open Air)

And the winnder is:

SKINDRED

I have never seen so much energy coming from a band and an audience all festival season well done you Welsh bastards you deserve this award!

 

BEST UP AND COMING BAND AT A FESTIVAL

Nominees:

TWO:10 (V Festival)                                                        HAWK EYES (Hard Rock Calling)

I AM I (B.O.A)                                                                    TOBI (Isle of Wright)

And the winner is:

HAWK EYES

I saw I Am I, heard things about Tobi and have seen footage from TWO:10 but Hawk Eyes deserve this award because they (along with Dirty Youth) saved me from the shitty London weather at Hard Rock Calling and Hawk Eyes actually made me want to go out and get their album and EP, not that is something that is difficult to do.

 

SCARIEST BAND (This award is solely for Bloodstock Open Air and The announced bands for Sonisphere 2012 that didn’t happen)

Nominees:

DIMMU BORGIR (B.O.A)                                                                                               WATAIN (B.O.A)

QUEEN + ADAM LAMBERT (Sonisphere)                                                                MAYHEM (B.O.A)

The winner is:

MAYHEM!

Wow, I have never been more terrified and in awe of a band as I was for Mayhem, the last time I felt that frightened what when they announced Queen + Adam Lambert to be the headliner at Sonisphere 2012…that made me want to cry…but Mayhem made me want to Cry with fear and were bloody awesome!

 

BEST HEADLINER:

Nominees:

ALICE COOPER (B.O.A)                                                                   BLACK SABBATH (Download)

FOO FIGHTERS (Reading)                                                              PAUL SIMON (Hard Rock Calling)

 

The winner of best Headliner is:

PAUL SIMON!

That was an awesome performance from one of the greatest folk legends to ever walk on this fucking planet. My hat is off to you sir, you beat the king of Shock Rock, the kings of metal and one of the best live bands on the planet to get the top spot just by playing your best album in its entirety and doing it so it makes sense (UNLIKE METALLICA)

 

BEST FESTIVAL

Nominees:

BLOODSTOCK OPEN AIR                                                                                READING

DOWNLOAD                                                                                       CAMP BESTIVAL

And the winner is:

BLOODSTOCK OPEN AIR!

It just rocked nuff said

 

 

 

 

WORST FESTIVAL:

Nominees:

LATITUDE                                                                                            V FESTIVAL

T4 ON THE BEACH                                                                            SUMMERTIME BALL

WINNER

SUMMERTIME BALL

Coldplay and Justin Bieber on the same line up…case closed

 

BEST LINEUP

Nominees:

DOWNLOAD                                                                                       READING

HEVY MUSIC FEST                                                                            BLOODSTOCK OPEN AIR

 

Winner is:

DOWNLOAD

Well done Download you won this award because you had 3 huge headliners (Prodigy, Metallica and Black Sabbath), also a lot of the support was good.

 

BEST CROWD

MACHINE HEAD (B.O.A)                                                                                FOO FIGHTERS (Reading)

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN (Hard Rock Calling)                              ABC (The Ultimate 80s Festival)

 

Winner is

MACHINE FUCKING HEAD!

They have the best fans I have ever met and seen from any band out there, they help you in a pit and they are all so into the band and the music they play.

 

 

And finally the SPECIAL AWARD FOR THE FESTIVAL OF THE YEAR:

And the winner is:

DOWNLOAD

You out did yourself with the line-up. Well done again for the bands you booked and hopefully next year will be as successful for you and for the other festivals.

Hugh’s Album Reviews: The Blaze Bayley Giant Double Butt-Fuck

Today I will be reviewing 2 different albums by one of the former singers of the band Iron Maiden. BLAZE BAYLEY MOTHER FUCKERS!

Review 1:

The King of Metal – Blaze Bayley

This album is from Blaze Bayley’s solo project that he started up after he was booted out of Maiden and I have to say that a lot of it is better than his Maiden stuff (apart from X-Factor which I personally think is really good)

There is only one thing I can really say about King of Metal…it’s rushed. It’s not bad, but you can tell it was a last minute thing and a lot of it sounds like it was written one weekend when Bayley was bored. In fact one song (the only song I can remember off the top of my head) is him telling the story of how ‘Dimebag’ Darrell died. Whatever you do guys don’t show that song to Vinnie Paul…he might go off on a rant about how amazing his brother was and he won’t shut up for a few hours.

The album doesn’t have as much power as some of the others Bayley has released for example Tenth Dimension. It just feels rushed and not thought about.

5/10

Review 2:

Wolfsbane Save the World – Wolfsbane

What’s this…a new WOLFSBANE ALBUM (*penis explodes with semen and it takes an army of cleaners to clean this mess up)

This wasn’t the focus of Bayley’s time but it’s been a long time coming since Wolfsbane’s last album and I have to say I am not disappointed by this album. Bayley may have focused on the solo album more than this but this is much better!

The band sound tighter than ever and the music is just as enjoyable as the other 3 albums Wolfsbane have released. This just proves where Bayley should focus his time and energy, the solo stuff is all well and good but this is just a perfect album. This is how you bring back a band from the dead it’s much better than that other album that was released earlier this year by a classic rock band.

Hugh’s Album Reviews: The Cult – Choice of Weapon

The Cult are one of the bands I saw at Sonisphere 2010 and since that gig I have gone and listened to everything the band has put out. They have made a few miss steps of late and the single they had released before Soni 2010 was not amazing (Everyman and Woman is a Star).

The new album was released earlier this year and unlike albums like Clockwork Angels, L’Enfant Sauvage and A Different Kind of Truth I wasn’t anticipating anything special from this album. It is pretty much the last few albums the band has done again. Don’t fix what ain’t broke right? Well IT WAS BROKEN THE FIRST TIME YOU DID IT!

Seriously you guys have been in the music business for over 20 years you would think you could change your sound, Metallica kind of did and look what happened they changed the sound it may be shit now but at least they tried something different. Don’t get me wrong some bands that keep the style they are good at are all fine and good (Sparks and Slayer being two prime examples), but seriously this is just disappointing.

It’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be, still a lot better than some of the shit that has come out this year but my good god is it samey. I have been listening to the album while I write this review and I couldn’t tell you when a song changed…it sounds the same, but Asbury’s vocals are probably some of the best he has ever done…keep it up.

They also seem to like recycling music from other songs in their back catalogue for example I have heard Fire Woman and She Sells Sanctuary so many times I can hear them when I get to some of the later songs on the new album!

If I had to sum this album up in 5 words it would probably be: Could Do Worse, eat Cake!

Overall I give Choice of Weapon a 6/10.

Hugh’s Album Reviews: American Idiot – Green Day

I don’t want to review this…it involves listening to this shit again…

Well a few weeks ago I did a list of the Top 5 Most Underrated albums ever. I was intending on doing a top 5 list of most overrated albums but I didn’t want to piss a lot of people off so I decided not to do it (fyi it was basically full of Metallica) and this album came top of the list. I have so much to say about this album so let’s start this shit shall we?

And here we have the first problem, the first track. ‘American Idiot’ was the first single off the album and I have to say, when I was younger, the song was catchy and made me want to punch stuff, but now it makes me want to rip my own ears off and then feed them to cannibal with some fava beans and a nice chianti (fafafafafafafafafafafafa). The song isn’t even written well. The lyrics are shit and it makes me feel nauseous with the amount of unintelligible noise that comes out of my headphones, and I’ve listened to stuff by Swans…in fact I have everything by Swans so let’s carry on.

The album is basically covered in angst from the get go. Here is a grammatical curiosity from the song Wake Me Up When September Ends; ‘Summer has come and passed, the innocent can never last, wake me up when September ends, like my father’s come to pass, seven years has gone so fat, wake me up when September ends’ or in a language everyone can understand ‘angstie angst, angst.’ Bille Joe Armstrong shows off some of the worst song written ability I have ever seen in a song writer and I have heard most stuff by My Chemical Romance.

Now before you guys start raping the comments with things like ‘Green Day are amazing’, ‘MCRmy forever’, or ‘You have no right to say any of this’ This is all just opinion, and to be honest, I like some Green Day and MCR stuff. Dookie is a great underrated album by Green Day and MCR’s early stuff is somewhat tolerable but this album is one of the worst pieces of music I have ever heard.

It has nothing good in this album, apart from probably Jesus of Suburbia, which shouldn’t have been 9 fucking minutes long, YOU ARE NOT METALLICA YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!

Any way my final verdict on this album is 1/10, fuck this shit and fuck the band they are so pretentious they actually named a live album ‘Awesome as Fuck’…no you are not fuck off Green Day you used to be cool…hell what am I saying, you were never cool.

Hugh’s Album Reviews: Hard Rock Calling 2012

So there was this music festival in Hyde Park…I went to each day…let’s talk about it.

Friday (Quote of the day: ‘This song is about…Stuff’ – Front man of Hawk Eyes):

Music didn’t start until 4 o’clock, me and the Herbal Crackpot left the house at 12 o’clock, and we walked to the train-station…in the wrong direction…well this is a good start! Also informed Herbal Crackpot that I have never seen Watership Down…that made for an interesting train journey.

We arrived in Hyde Park at about half past 1…to the smell of Bark chips…and horse shit. We went into the arena and we had a choice…stand in the rain and listen to an acoustic set by Kids in Glass Houses or try and find shelter…but then something caught my eye…THE PORK BAGUETTE VAN! ITS HERE OH MY GOD! KNEBWORTH ALL IS FORGIVEN!!! Pork baugettes 1,2,3 and 4 were all consumed while I watched the Dirty Youth (7/10) in the Pepsi Max Stage. Me and Crackpot decided to go out and watch a bit of Black Stone Cherry (6/10) was a bit bland and went back to the tent where we were treated to one of the many quotes of the festival. Hawk Eyes (10/10) fucking rocked…they rocked so much I went out a brought their album and EP…which both rock by the way, but I might wait for until after Bloodstock (next week) to review that.

Red, White and Blues (8/10) followed Hawk Eyes. They were okay, nothing special but worthwhile watching. SKINDRED NEXT (10/10) Probably the highlight of the day, Skindred rocked the fucking tent, and also caused me to nearly flatten two young girls…well they looked young…they were short…and looked like the type of people I would shoot dirty looks at while being at Sonisphere.

We went outside as the weather cleared up for Iggy and the Stooges (8/10) who pretty much played the entire set from Sonisphere 2 years previously. Followed by the headliner, Soundgarden (9/10). They were really good, playing songs me and Crackpot both sang along with, and it is the greatest experience hearing Black Hole Sun being sung by about 30,000 people.

 

Saturday (Quote of the day: ‘It’s like a swamp of shit really’ – random woman talking about the mud during Bruce Springsteen):

Today saw me travel into London again, with my brother Wil. We went to Forbidden Planet (the comic book shop in Tottenham Court Road) (7/10). We then went to arena. Hey Monea (7/10) the winner of the Hard rock rising competition, they were good, a bit bland, but they reminded me of the type of music I don’t listen to…why did I give them 7/10…oh well, don’t question past Hugh.

Next was the ‘One Man Revolution’ with three other people; Tom Morello: the Nightwatchman (8/10) he made me laugh…I don’t think his songs were supposed to make me laugh but they did. A pointless waste of time, considering we were going to get something very similar later on with the headliner. Followed by Lady Antebellum (6/10) bland boring country music. Then John Forgety (8/10) from Credence Clearwater Revival fame…he was a bit bleh to be honest, didn’t watch that much of him because of AMY MACDONALD (10/10) on the Pepsi Max Stage. Amy MacDonald played my favourite song…nearly reduced me to tears…never thought I would write that in a review.

Then came the headliner…Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band (8/10) he seemed to miss the point of FESTIVAL HEADLINER, and just played his normal set…consisting of mostly new album stuff which no one apart from hardcore Bruce fans would know. We left after he played Dancing in the Dark…if we’d have stayed we would have heard the sound get cut off…and we would have seen Paul McCartney get pissed off and walk offstage…damn you hindsight!

 

Sunday (Quote of the day: ‘She is SHIT!’ – Dad)

Went for a wander with Dad…no need to review it…was pretty much one shop to another, to train to arena. We arrived at the arena just in time to catch Christina Perri (5/10) probably the worst thing of the whole weekend. She was boring bland, pop music…WHY ARE YOU AT A FESTIVAL CALLED HARD ROCK CALLING YOU ANGSTY BITCH WHO CANNOT WRITE ANYTHING APART FROM TWILIGHT SONGS!

Alison Kraus and Union Station (9/10) followed the god awfulness of Christina Perri. She was pretty good. Not what I was expecting but still really good. She got bonus points because she said the Edge from U2 was her banjo player…I like the Edge, he is the only good member from U2.

Then came the headliner…PAUL SIMON (10/10) and what a headliner he was. He came on stage and played Kodachrome, 50 ways to leave your lover and some other songs, then he brought on JIMMY CLIFF! And played some songs with Jimmy Cliff, the he brought on the Ladysmith Black Monbazo, who fucking rocked! They began to play Graceland (with the original Graceland tour band from the 1980s)… in a different order (take note Metallica you will need them) then he let his trumpet player, Hugh Masekela on…he was the only downside to this…the played for too long but meh it was still fairly enjoyable…but like the Friday there was one annoying factor about the crowd. Friday was the girls…on Sunday it was this Scottish prick and his friends who decided to piss in a bottle…luckily it went all over him, serves you right you fucking bastard.

Overall I was knackered!

Was a good weekend…New review hopefully next week not sure…maybe need to find something…

 

 

Not that album, anything but that. Not the most overrated album ever!

No…NO…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hugh’s Album Reviews: The Top 5 Most Underrated Albums

Okay over the next few weeks I will be busy doing festivals and stuff so here is the first of a series of Lists which may happen every year around July. Today I shall be looking at albums which I think are very much underrated and are often dismissed by fans and the critics. So without any further delay let me say that this list is entirely my opinion. If you disagree with me…fair enough but I won’t listen because I am up here on my balcony looking down at all of you internet trolls so boo hoo sucks to be you.

5. The Arockalypse by Lordi

 

Lordi are probably only famous because they won the Eurovision Song Contest back in 2006 with their song ‘Hard Rock Hallelujah’. That song appears on this album but not a lot of people remember or even know that this band still exists. They are alive and kicking but this is the album they hoped would help them become more well-known…but that didn’t work so now when they play festivals they are always on the smallest stage and are about third or fourth on the bill. The album contains several belters which are built for a metal festival audience such as; ‘Bringing Back the Balls To Rock’, ‘Who’s Your Daddy’ and ‘It Snows In Hell’. The best song on the album is probably ‘It Snows In Hell’ it is a mix between a power ballad and a thrash metal song. This album is worth a listen.

4. King For a Day…Fool For a Lifetime – Faith No More

 

Faith No More are far from an underrated band, but two of their albums are very underrated from what I can see, ‘Introduce Yourself’ didn’t make it on this list because honestly I think ‘King for a Day’ is the better album. This is possibly my favourite Faith No More album but people often dismiss this one because it doesn’t have many of the band’s big songs on it. I will admit this album doesn’t have songs like ‘Epic’ or ‘Midlife Crisis’ but this album has songs which equal both of those songs with different style. This is defiantly the experimental part of Faith No More’s career on albums, some songs are slow and almost jazz like with the feel (‘Evidence’) and some are just down right aggressive like Patton and the others are trying to become a thrash metal band (‘Get Out’) and it also shows that Patton enjoyed his solo career a little too much with the song ‘The Gentle Art of Making Enemies’ which is by far my favourite track on the album. Heavy as fuck and quite underrated

3. Punky Bruster: Cooked on Phonics – Devin Townsend

 

This is the first solo album by Devin Townsend and the only album which he doesn’t do his standard progressive, extreme metal stuff. This concept album tells the story of a Death metal band that sells out and starts to play generic ‘Green Day’esque punk rock. The album has some obvious jokes which make fun of Green Day and other bands in this genre. Townsend actually suits this genre with his vocal style and it is one of the first times we see his sense of humour and also the first time we see him use an idea which carries over into other songs on the same album. But unlike his Project albums and the Ziltoid album, Cooked on Phonics is often dismissed because it is too different. If you don’t like Green Day or any bands in the same genre as them you may not like this album, but if you sit down and actually listen to this album you will see a funny and well thought out album.

2. The X Factor – Iron Maiden

 

Oh yes I went there! This album is so underrated it makes my mind hurt. There are many reasons why people don’t like this album. One reason may be because it doesn’t sound like Iron Maiden. Another might be because of Blaze Bayley not sounding anything like Bruce Dickinson. These are very good reasons but I actually like this album. If you can get past the difference in sound and the different style of vocals you will find an early hybrid of Bayley’s solo project which appeared after he left Iron Maiden. The album features one of my favourite Maiden songs (‘Lord of the Flies’) which is saying a lot when I love a lot of Maiden’s songs. Bayley’s vocals are probably the main turn off for a lot of fans who complained that it wasn’t Iron Maiden anymore. Also the album has a darker feel to it, unlike the previous albums which even though still heavy metal but those albums felt lighter and more upbeat, this album the songs are darker due to Steve Harris’s personal life at the time. This album deserves to be on this list for the reason that Maiden tried something different and it worked this time, but when they tried it again with the next album (‘Virtual XI’) they had to go and get Bruce back. Also it spawned what would become BLAZE and then later Blaze Bayley’s solo career…and I’m okay with this.

And my Number 1 most Underrated Album is…

Dead Man’s Party – Oingo Boingo

 

This album is so underrated! No one I know has ever heard this album which is a depressing thought, because it probably means I listen to too much music, but that’s what happens when half my friends are deaf. This is the fourth album by the New Wave band and I have to say it is probably their best. None of their albums ever met commercial success but this album does have the band’s biggest hit on it, (similarly to Lordi) and that is the title track of the album. This is also what Danny Elfman used to do before he became Tim Burton’s composing bitch. Even though the album has a title that could be seen as depressing, the album is very light hearted and if full of songs which you can’t help but want to dance along too. Hell I think the Herbalcrackpot would probably dance to some of these songs. I know the sock-puppet defiantly does. This album is defiantly worth your time. Listen to it and feel better because of it.

Any complaints, criticism and any suggestions for future editions can be given in the comment section below, because if you haven’t noticed already the emails I have been giving you are all fake. If you are a victim of my fake email jokes please send an email to imanidioticantbelieveifellforafakeemailadress@ohgodivefallenforitagain.com.