FUNNY SPAM COMMENTS I GET: A rather poetic Japanese one

I had to translate this spam comment on Google. I know Google translator isn’t always accurate but it is actually is rather poetic. I require the boots of preparation in the face of shrewd epidemics…I’m going to be thinking about this one all week. Seriously, read it aloud to yourself, it’s very zen.

ORIGINAL:

nryfspmd0
Submitted on 2013/09/04 at 1:32 pm

職場絶対革ベース先の尖ったクリート、カジュアルな屋外のスポーツ イベント セクションの周囲の休日の遠出のドレッシング ドレッシング事業修正運動シリーズ男性に関して完全の選択に適切なときに適しています。他の人よりも高いこのサイトのショーケースの評判の良い会社のインデックスとあなたを与えているからお金を生成する販売人を選択します。ハードの世界だろうか?はい、しかしあなたが支払った行使どのくらいのペニング収入。私はここでは保証しない自分または電源サービスを見つける場合。しかし、他の詐欺として知られている 1 つまたは 2 つインターネット マーケティング センス。我々 がある場合より正確になぜある多様なインター ネット トラフィックの世代の大富豪ですか?おそらく袋の意味を受け入れることができる場合どうやらあなたのバッグの選択で、プラダを受け入れます。
coach メンズ
コーチ 長財布
コーチ バッグ アウトレット

プログラムをリサイクル、廃棄物をそらすことができます再利用材料のプロパティの準備ができている宝石を作成します。ジャケットその他同様の衣類、感じに細切りサイズが表示されます。従来撮影に加えてクリエイティブ オンライン キャプチャしている、真新しい生命をそれらに与える他の多くの材料を最も近代的な使用を提供することによって転換埋め立て地を介してオブジェクト。使用できます。
coach メンズ
coach メンズ
コーチ アウトレット

ナイキAdvertsingの名は蛇口、洋服、バッグ、創業以来、より多くを含むほぼすべての優れた仕上げをリリースしました。
coach バッグ
coach 財布
股関節の日確かにいくつかの常連客今日愛する人々 グッチ靴あり大半コレクター グッチ靴のペアを使用するためのオンライン オークション市場に慎重であります。この 2 つの紫色の母親と父親の靴とそれになります販売に限定しようと取得これらの古典的なと男の栄光に関係なく豪華な靴は、私の目的でログ親愛なる私の種類の専門家をすることがあります重要です。私は疑いもなく取得確かにない非常に多くグッチを楽しむため。

TRANSLATION:

I can get the type a large collection not related to the design and material of your come from the actual color . The boots of preparation , epidemic shrewd and finest has convinced I need because there is a possibility to buy boots like this . GBC Shredmaster GLM11 is able to handle the needs of the security of upp from medium to large office . Automatic side panel provides the correct fit while micro cutter dice of any secret information necessary for the safety of your personality to hang . In between , tough decision . I faced a problem of its own which wasn € ™ t he . In a fraction of the Puerto Vallarta sailing in the summer of last year ( 2007 ) . The one afternoon , I was enjoying a break basic to acquire the window .
Clock popular
, Governor dollar watch
, DOLCE & GABBANA watch

Led us without a doubt for a little more than before and after apple hill in the design for the time daylight had hair then we and bad alley that was repaired by using a bush to escalate almost trunk of the abscess somehow I laughed at the current flood of your spontaneous combustion sun cool to award because of our joint capsule .
Women’s watch
, Folli Follie watch
, Furla store

Internet you can get a great place Puradabaruji best . You begin to knit the baggage tag between the handle around the top left side sewing . You need to backstitch between the handle to get that is protected by security . Do you know the popularity from people actually will be able to get our word for it , take to get rid of , things , and also the ICF , and United States postal shooting good case . By post maintenance state useful Sci-con bulge is known as well , also for promotion have been in the cycling team tens of thousands of people in the world . The likeable , brand ambassador is a complete type adaptability , of personality . Customers of the new store to generate a package of charm to appoint ambassadors that are emblem store open , swarming the inquiry .
http://i1.wp.com/www.fashionisingpictures.net/photoshoots/topmanaw11campaign1.jpg?w=300&crop=0, 0,343 px, 286px & resize = 300,250
, http://i1.wp.com/www.fashionisingpictures.net/catwalks/schaaf12collection1.jpg?w=300&crop=0, 0,343 px, 286px & resize = 300,250
The main advantage of the messenger bag , the user simply get things out of the need not be taken from the bag . , Each of us with a myriad of strengths is configured with a complete set of our own . Manage the difficulty that some , but it is . I will invest in the bank your unique you need to look at them there had to be there is any possibility of it before the status of the issue . Do not , if it was made at the thought of something like cost metal hoop one free , an important call to make the edges of the ignored if you bought when receiving the button raised .

FUNNY SPAM COMMENTS I GET: Rocket Viagra needs fuel

Select All Author Comment In Response To
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amir1994@live.ru
87.55.86.215
Submitted on 2013/05/24 at 1:52 am

Your buy cheap viagra online rocket needs fuel?

Unapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | History | Spam | Trash

Whoever posted this, I can do your marketing for you. Seriously, give me a call. This is a mock up I’ve got, if we get a proper artist in a reckon we’ve struck gold here.

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FUNNY SPAM COMMENTS I GET: My Auntie the detective

 

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Submitted on 2013/05/15 at 1:27 pm

A lot of thanks for all of your hard work on this web site. My aunt loves doing investigation and it’s really obvious why. A lot of people learn all regarding the dynamic ways you convey functional solutions via the web site and therefore invigorate participation from other ones on this concept plus my girl has always been starting to learn so much. Have fun with the remaining portion of the new year. Your carrying out a powerful job.

These spam comments can actually be really inspirational.

The Auntie Detective will be about Muriel, she has a gambling problem to pay for her knitting and has to figure out who kicked the ball over her hedge. With help from her faithful partner, measles the Labrador  its a tormenting job and she often turns to gin to escape the cruelness of criminals and their loud music and opening a local branch of Tesco Metro.

…in fact here’s an opening episode synopsis:

EPISODE 1: BLOOD AND COUGH SWEETS

Muriel finds the knitted jumper she made for her niece Charlene washed up in the pond. She and Measles believe that Charlene has been kidnapped by the evil Tescos to serve their dastardly community centre wrecking plans. In the end, it turns out Charlenne just hated the jumper and got a part time job on the meat counter at the local branch.

 

….actually I think I’m onto something, I’m sure there’s a digital channel that’ll take this.

FUNNY SPAM COMMENTS I GET: A history lesson in…..um, okay then

Donnie Gronvall

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offencesFor abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

…….okay….da fuck?

FUNNY SPAM COMMENTS I GET: The Mission…to assassinate Justin Bieber?

Charles

Submitted on 2013/03/18 at 6:53 pm

I am not certain where you are getting your information, however
good topic. I must spend a while studying more or figuring out more.

Thanks for great information I was looking for this information for
my mission.

VAULTS: BLOGS OF DOOM: The Prophecy of Justin Bieber

Okay tell me I’m reading into this too much all you want but apparently this post gave this guy information for his “mission” …da fuck?

FUNNY SPAM COMMENTS I GET: The double entendre of Death

improve intelligence

Awesome issues here. I’m very glad to see your post. Thank you a lot and I’m having a look ahead to touch you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?

…The biggest case of facepalm in the history of the world. Its compounded by the fact its posted by something called “improve intelligence” …….yes, well done improve intelligence, you get a sticker.

Best Spam Comment EVER!

Okay, given this wordpress site is about the creative output of a massive snarky bell end, I don’t actually get that many comments, or death threats, or anything. So whenever I get the chance, I do look through my spam comments. They mostly offer me SEO services, very generally phrased compliments that say “awesome post, I really like the way you put one sentence after another, look at my username” and the username is a product they want me to buy and they’ve just posted for the clickthroughs. And some comments have really poor grammar of course which gets them filtered as spam, but I really was not prepared for what I think is the best spam comment anyone could ever have.
It was posted on my episode of Zone One Digest called “Digest the Year 2012”
By a thing that I haven’t clicked through to called “Burberry Canada”
It says the following

“I was totally down basic, being gigantic may not be enough of the attention getter witout a doubt, make these folks red having a yellow moose!!”

I’ve had it mounted. I want this comment to stay with me forever. I will totally allow Burberry Canada to leech advertising off my wordpress if this is their marketing strategy. I want to make folks red by having a yellow moose….I’ve no idea what that means, but I want it!