He Who Moans Doctor Who Editorial: The Myth of Steven Moffat’s Grand Plan

Trolling Moffat Month: Episode 9: The Bad Omens

The Moffat deconstruction month ends now. If you have been, thanks for sticking with me through some rather controversial issues, hope you’ve had fun and maybe learnt a thing or two (if you are clinging to the idea I actually have knowledge, if not that must have sounded incredibly big headed of me and I do apologise)

The final one is suitably about the idea put forward that Moffat is taking his time with crafting his vision of Doctor Who and the great flow chart from Russell’s style of Doctor Who to his style which I used to believe in but don’t now I’ve watched the whole of Matt Smith’s era. Its a rather downbeat and depressing ending so I’ll probably do something more upbeat and chirpy next week to balance it out (and I’ll stop with the double and triple length episodes, I’ll try and go back to bitesize chunks of bile from now on)

ALL FOOTAGE IS USED FOR THE PURPOSES OF CRITICISM AND REVIEW, ALL CREDIT IS GIVEN, DOCTOR WHO IS A TRADEMARK OF THE BBC AND I AM NOT PROFITING FROM THIS VIDEO IN ANY WAY

He Who Moans: Doctor Who Rant: Murray Gold’s score

Trolling Moffat Month: Episode 8: The Battle of Murray Gold

Lots of people dump on Murray Gold’s scores for Doctor Who. I’m not one of those people, I think he’s fine and at the very least bearable….but just this one bit of music got really REALLLY grating for me

ALL FOOTAGE AND MUSIC ARE USED FOR THE PURPOSES OF CRITICISM AND REVIEW, ALL CREDIT IS GIVEN, DOCTOR WHO IS A TRADEMARK OF THE BBC AND I AM NOT PROFITING FROM THIS VIDEO IN ANY WAY

An Illustrated Review of Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 6

This week’s installment of stickpeople fucking and a long haired man shouting about how awfully written it is comes with NEW STUFF! STUFF THAT HAS NEVER BEEN PUT IN ONE OF THESE VIDEOS BEFORE…..no really E.L James seems to think she can get away with copying and pasting sex scenes by inserting the words “this is new its never been like this”

…this is a new video description that you are reading, never been written before.

Plot and characters (??CITATION NEEDED??) from Fifty Shades Darker by E.L James (Random House)

Music:
Spawn the animated series theme by Shirley Williams
A Nightmare on Elm Street Theme (New Line Cinema)
The Shining music (Warner)
Music cue from “The Chimes of Midnight” (Bigfinish)
Closer by Nine Inch Nails (Nothing/Interscope)

He Who Moans Doctor Who Editorial: Moffat’s Story Arcs and why they failed

Trolling Moffat Month: Episode 7: The Unsolvable Rubik’s Cube

Storylines: KNOW YOUR LIMITS

ALL FOOTAGE IS USED FOR THE PURPOSES OF CRITICISM AND REVIEW, ALL CREDIT IS GIVEN, DOCTOR WHO IS A TRADEMARK OF THE BBC AND I AM NOT PROFITING FROM THIS VIDEO IN ANY WAY

 

He Who Moans: Doctor Who Editorial: The Marketer’s Approach to Writing Doctor Who

Trolling Moffat Month Episode 6: Money is the root of all evil

This is probably the most hopelessly cynical He Who Moans I’ve ever made and yes I am making a lot of crass generalisations here and if you either happen to work in marketing or know someone who does I do apologise but I’m a jumped up bitter and spiteful man who you were probably going to heavily disagree with anyway.

FOOTAGE USED FOR THE PURPOSES OF CRITICAL ANALYSIS AND REVIEW, OWNED BY THE BBC. ALL CREDIT IS GIVEN AND I AM NOT PROFITING FROM THIS VIDEO IN ANY WAY.

An Illustrated Review of Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 5

In this chapter, we get introduced to our plot (no really, it does have one, I’m not shitting you) and holy Christ is it inappropriate for a porn series about a ditzy girl getting spanked by her arsehole boyfriend.

NOT MINE:

The plot and characters (??CITATION NEEDED??) from Fifty Shades Darker by E.L. James (Random House)
Music/Other stuff:
Spawn Animated Series Theme by Shirley Walker (HBO)
The Shining music (Warner)
Stripped, Raped and Strangled by Cannibal Corpse (Metal Blade)
Whoever owns dramatic squirrel
Closer by Nine Inch Nails (Nothing/Interscope)

He Who Moans: Doctor Who Editorial: Is Doctor Who riding it’s reputation on Nostalgia?

Trolling Moffat Month: Episode 5: The Undermining of the Rani

INTERVIEWER: “Are you going to bring the Rani back?”

MOFFAT:”No because she wasn’t memorable enough”

ME: “…..then how did someone remember her in order to ask that question then?”

MOFFAT: Um…..look! Kittens!!

….yeah I’m making a lot of assumptions in this video but based on what he offers to the plate, its hard not to think this is his reasoning behind his decisions.

FOOTAGE USED FOR THE PURPOSES OF CRITICAL ANALYSIS AND REVIEW, OWNED BY THE BBC. ALL CREDIT IS GIVEN AND I AM NOT PROFITING FROM THIS VIDEO IN ANY WAY.

He Who Moans: Doctor Who Editorial: My Problem with Clara

Trolling Moffat Month: Episode 4: The Plastic Replicant

The biggest issue that SEVERELY needs addressing in season 8 is a rather simple one: is Clara an Auton? Is that why she has no personality? Cause that’d be your get out of jail free card for the blandest most sloppily written companion character in the show’s history Moffat.

FOOTAGE USED IS OWNED BY THE BBC, USED FOR CRITICAL ANALYSIS AND REVIEW. DOCTOR WHO IS A TRADEMARK OF THE BBC, NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED, NO PROFIT IS BEING MADE FROM THIS VIDEO. ALL IMAGES OWNED BY OWNERS

#METROBLOG: Understanding the World Cup coverage: an outsider’s guide to Football

I’ve made it no secret to almost everyone I’ve met over the years that I don’t have any knowledge, understanding of or interest in one of our nation’s most overindulged pastimes: football.

The reason I’m such a smarmy prick about it is because whenever someone starts talking to me about football; because they assume its a topic of small talk that literally everyone is interested in (I start hearing white noise whenever anyone starts talking about it,) and when I say in response: “I don’t really know anything about football,” the reaction is usually kind of zealotish. They say “well you’re got to have a passion! Don’t you have passion?” Why am I supposed to be an unpassionate, sterile robot with no enthusiasm for anything just because I don’t see why people attach such significance to a game people play? I have passion for lots of stuff, but apparently sport’s just more special than everything else.

And people say “well if you don’t care, just ignore it,” well its kinda hard to when my commute’s reading material, the Metro, starts wasting the entire first quarter of their paper on circular world cup coverage:

scan0003

NEWSFLASH: OPENING CEREMONY HELD IN A PLACE…..slow news day?

So since the Metro’s statement of intent to turn their paper into a cycle of: “this team did a thing last night” for the next…however long the world cup goes on for; I decided to do some research for me and the other people in this country who really couldn’t give a toss about football, cause guess what? There’s around 52 million people in this country, and I doubt that world cup coverage gets 51 million, nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine viewers and it really is just me that didn’t watch. I’d wager those of us uninterested in football probably outnumber the people that love it by quite a bit.

So yeah: here is the user friendly guide to how the emotionally complex game of football works. Basically:

This ball

is pusballhed into this goal by a team’s feetgoal

 

 

 

 

And the other team try and stop them and put it in the other goal with their feet.

….Look I’ve done a helpful little diagram in case this is too complicated

diagram

Yeah I know, requires a lot of attention this game, doesn’t it? Leaves me scratching my head and begging newspapers to endlessly tell me all the intricate details of this expansive network of topics related to the act of putting a ball in a goal spread across like eight pages:

scan0001

Wow! Right so, lemme get this straight and lay all this out; so, basically: people get excited about footballl……okay I’m still trying to digest this so, um, could we get it more in layman’s terms so I understand the complexity here?

football
Hmm….still having trouble understanding here, can you papers try and help me understand by reporting the words “THE FOOTBALL WAS ON LAST NIGHT” on every other page for the next few months? I’m sure there’s a reason for doing that……I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure it’ll come to me.

An Illustrated Review of Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 4

includes the out and out DUMBEST SEX SCENE EVER WRITTEN

…also includes a character slashing their wrists………….cause y’know, sexy romantic love story

NOT MINE:
Plot and characters (??CITATION NEEDED??) from Fifty Shades Darker by E.L. James (Random House)

Music:
Spawn Animated Series Theme by Shirley Walker (HBO)
The Shining music (Warner)
Music from Zygon: When Being You just isn’t enough (BBV)
Clip from Zack and Miri make a porno (The Weinstein Company)
Closer by Nine Inch Nails (Nothing/Interscope)