He Who Moans: Doctor Who Editorials: Trolling Moffat Month

Before anyone starts accusing me of jumping on the anti-moffat bandwagon, I’m not. I don’t hate Moffat, I’m just monumentally disappointed with how his era’s turned out on the whole now the hype he had at the beginning of it has burned away, so I thought I’d try and explain why my opinion’s changed since 2010.

That and there’s enough videos on my channel of me bashing RTD and being way too nice to Moffat, call the next month of videos balance more than anything.

DOCTOR WHO IS A TRADEMARK OF THE BBC I AM UNAFFILIATED – THESE VIDEOS MADE FOR CRITICAL ANALYSIS AND REVIEW – NOT MADE FOR PROFIT. IMAGES OWNED BY OWNERS

And since my next few videos are likely to be controversial, I thought a seven minute long diatribe about what an opinion is and a polite request not to be threatened with eye socket rape was in order….for some reason I decided standing in a field and it should be in black and white were necessary in making it

An Illustrated Review of Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 2

I got bored of this chapter halfway through and started making a porn movie about household objects…this book really is an endurance test for the attention span.

Plot and characters (??citation needed??) from Fifty Shades Darker by E.L James (Random House)

Music
Spawn (HBO) theme by Shirley Williams
Shining music (Warner)
Chopin Prelude E.Minor (op 28. no.4) (EMI)
Closer by NIN (Nothing/interscope)

#METROBLOG: Reading the metro in a non-commuter context: Everything is Shit and you’re going to die!!! :) lol!!!

Author’s note: the copy of the metro I am sourcing is one day out of date. so apologies for the frankly victorian stories about how people vote for racists, someone died again, and animals are cute….actually maybe the idea satire has to be based on recent events is actually bollocks. Anyway, same old shit.

So, I had the day off yesterday, but I was going into London anyway because I was going to see the American noise rock band Swans because I’m a pretentious little shit who is easily excited by loud noises. And there was a copy of the Metro left. Just one. I probably should have resisted, but I had the idea of trying to read it outside the context of being a commuter. I seem to approach newspapers with a different mindset in the morning on my way to work since naturally you just want a general haze of random stories to wash over you and I never really absorb what’s in them as I get my important news from social media later on when I’m actually awake. Then when I started reading it I started to realise: if I was actually awake when I read these, I would realise something: human society is full of scumbags, horror and death.

scan0001You are all my children now!!! HAHAHA!!! THE VOTERS ARE MINE!!! …and if that wasn’t enough it just kept getting worse:

scan0003 And worse

scientists
….okay, yes I made that one up but given how depressing the first half of this edition I’m looking at was, would you really have noticed the difference? Is it just me or is the idea of a cosmopolitan newspaper who’s central section is all about young busy londoners who work hard but play hard a bit of an anachronism when you consider the tone that news takes on a daily basis? Literally the first half of the paper is page after page of this and then “we’re all modern and facebooky”

scan0001

Its a bit of a jarring tonal shift narratively. You need more of a sense of progression from negative to positive, so by the end the paper, the commuter has that moment of catharsis. So it sort of follows your mood from “just woken up” to your attitude when you’re awake by the time you finish the paper. So for example we start out with something bleak like this:

voidf

And we continue on with a few pages about abuse, death, rape, torture, war, famine, pestillence and Nigel Farage’s face, then halfway through we get slightly happier.

donkeys

And then more light hearted and positive as we go through with “Someone organises a fete for the British Heart Foundation” (a positive charity story but still with the reminder of terminal illness). Until by the end its a print media form of a fluffy hug, like this:

happiness

Come on newspapers; I could easily make presenting news waaaay more interesting. Prog-news needs to become a journalistic genre.

Next week: Why the news needs a protagonist, character arc and a plot about talking sea horses.

He Who Moans Review of Doctor Who: The Web Planet: A puppy inside of a fucking teacup

https://stubagful.wordpress.com/

ALL FOOTAGE USED IS OWNED BY THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS, USED FOR CRITICAL ANALYSIS AND REVIEW. DOCTOR WHO IS A TRADEMARK OF THE BBC.

And now for me to blather on about a personal favourite which is rarely found in the fans’ high regard…or mid regard….or even mildly bad regard. So yeah any nu-who fans who think I’m a meany head about some episodes they like, this is me laying myself open to all sorts of questioning over the validity of my opinion on anything in the future.

An Illustrated Review of Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 1

https://stubagful.wordpress.com

In the opening chapter, Christian (y’know the guy that Ana broke up with at the end of the last book) invites himself to her friend’s photography show with her, accuses her of wanting to cheat on him with Jose even though they broke up because he hit her and makes her apologise for leaving him.

….

…………………………the beginning of a beautiful love story obviously

NOT MINE:
Plot and characters (??CITATION NEEDED??) from Fifty Shades Darker by E.L. James (Random House)

Music:
Spawn Animated Series Theme by Shirley Walker (HBO)
The Shining music (Warner)
Closer by Nine Inch Nails (Nothing/Interscope)

He Who Moans: Doctor Who Review: Big Finish’s Lords of the Red Planet

https://stubagful.wordpress.com/

ALL FOOTAGE USED IS OWNED BY THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS, DOCTOR WHO IS A TRADEMARK OF THE BBC.

No other reason, just I like Bigfinish’s Lost stories range and so I thought I’d talk about this one, probably the best thing they put out last year so…yeah here’s some vague musings on it.

#METROBLOG: Guess what? These people are richer than you!

This seems to be a regular thing in the Metro for some reason; they reprint this list once every couple of months. I honestly can’t fathom why and its rather annoying for a multitude of reasons, so if anyone knows one of the Metro’s editors; can you please send him/her a link to this blog accompanied by the words: “TARGET AUDIENCE”?

scan0001

…thanks Metro. I wanted to know that. The information that I absorbed in this article was so enlightening. I can use this information in my everyday life, reminding me how utterly poor and worthless I am while screaming: “Rich cunts! they get everything!!!”

money
….who is interested in this Metro? Which commuters who spend about 15% of the wages on travel in and out of london, to and from work everyday want to read about how one of the lesser known members of One Direction earns five times more in the space twenty minutes than they will in their entire lifetime? Even if you are rich, I’m sure a certain cross section of regular commuters are rich, even if they read: “Hey guess what? These are the top earning celebs,” I guarantee won’t give two flying shits because what’s the purpose of informing them of that? Who needs to know this? Who cares? Who are you catering for?

Of course someone’s likely to tell me its aspirational media here; its meant to make you wanna change your life to be rich and successful…problem is its not saying how to or what that aspiration to be rich and successful will actually achieve. Its just saying who is rich. They print these lists every three months or so and its just: “THESE CELEBS THAT EITHER SING OR APPEAR ON TV EARN LOTS” you can’t really interpret a lot from that except apparently Adele earns lots when she does nothing at all. Wow, my life feels so enriching knowing I earn 0.0028% of that doing lots of things (0.0017% after tax & travel) and she earns billions by doing nothing. Like, who wants that thrown at you on your commute? I know a newspaper is meant to be “STUFF YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN, WE’RE TAKING OUR CHANCES,” spread over about 40 pages, generally speaking you don’t what you’re gonna get, but the problem I’m highlighting here is this is completely useless information that also slaps about 90% of its readership in the face if they happen to be in the position of reading the metro. Who wants to read this and why? I’m sure you at least want to have some impact on your readers’ lives Metro, otherwise why are you even bothering putting out a paper at all? You could try putting some effort into finding out what commuters could and couldn’t give a toss about.

I swear they’re a few steps away from putting out a list like this one:

uselessfacts
Please stop doing this shit Metro, its not what you’re for. The fact some celebrities earn lots is not news or of any interest to your target audience.