Stubagful NaNoWriMo 2013: Opening Gambit: Future Highs

Anyone unaware, national novel writing month is an organisation challenging you to write a novel in a month. No rules on what it should be, just one month, write 50,000 words. Doesn’t matter if they’re spelt correctly or the grammar’s terrible, there’s no judgement, just write a novel, its easier to play with an idea when you force something out of you to play around with….that sounded wrong on so many levels.

Its a pretty decent idea for a writing exercise, especially in my case. I have at least twenty novel ideas that I haven’t had the excuse to dedicate the full amount of time required to them. And although out of the three times I’ve done nanowrimo before, I haven’t actually gone through and polished what I’ve written and tried to sell it (which is what you’re meant to do) that doesn’t stop me feeling like its necessary to do this again. I need to keep myself creatively active and this year’s idea I’ve been throwing around for a while since I was too lazy to do nanowrimo last year.

My NaNoWriMo Profile is here by the way: http://nanowrimo.org/en/participants/stubagful/

I’ll probably post updates on how its going once a week about where the story is at the moment, maybe an extract or two. I might end up shoving it out as a free epub with lulu if anyone gives a shit.

FUTURE HIGHS

Marijuana, LSD, cocaine and Ecstacy are just some of the substances that are generally illegal throughout the world. This novel postulates on what might happen if the exact opposite were true.

2133: President Arthur Hiesenfeld sets about making all currently illegal substances not just legal but mandatory at all times

2138: This happens.

2139: This becomes international law.

2178: World Population of two million people are consigned to Belgium after global war has reduced most inhabitants to multi coloured transforming acid creatures through a mess up with a nuclear formula and a dominoes pizza menu. All residents are fed by tiny little gremlin pets that excrete cheetos.

This is the story how one thing almost led to another and what we can learn from it.

#WTFJustHappened – SEX SELLS and don’t we know it? #comedy #satire #sketches – @z1radio

WARNING: Contains some Strong Language and the occasional funny moment

Stuart and Rick deconstruct and defibrillate the media industry with sketches, sarcasm and satire.

Sex is the most googled topic and the oldest profession. Sex is on our brains. A lot. So what can Channel 4 and Bridget Jones teach us about our base pleasures? It’s Sex Week for the final WTF Just Happened!

Download WTF Just Happened? – Sex Sells and don’t we know it?

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This Week We Watched: Channel 4′s Season Of Sex. Missed it? So did everyone else! We report on Sex Box, Diary Of A Teenage Virgin and Masters Of Sex.

This Week We Read: The brand new Bridget Jones novel. After 14 years Helen Fielding has delivered the 3rd installment which meant I just HAD to make Stuart read it.

Bullsheet Headlines include:

“BUM RAP FOR JUSTIN”, “PEAK HELL DOG LIVES” and“NEW LIGHTS IN CAR PARK”

PLUS: As we’ve been getting all loved up and sexy, Stuart and I have prepared the World’s First Dramatised Adaptation of 50 Shades Of Grey. Forget the movie, we’ve summarised it in under five minutes!

http://wtfjh.wordpress.com

http://facebook.com/wtfsatire

Find us both on twitter:

http://twitter.com/5tuarthardy

https://twitter.com/rickLOUDERradio

KingBomBeard plays EarthBound Episodes 31, 32 and 33

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

In this episode the gang enter a sewer to get another part of the medley

In this episode we return to Dalaam and we take on the “hardest” Boss in the game

In this episode we continue on our adventure across the sea and we also encounter the joke…no one is safe from the very long and drawn out joke I thought was funny at the time…and to be honest I still find it funny

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An Out of Context Review of Zygon: When Being You Just isn’t enough

https://stubagful.wordpress.com/

WARNING: Contains poorly censored naughty bits

Doctor who is one of the longest running sci-fi TV shows in history. Zygon: When Being you just isn’t enough is an officially licenced spinoff made by an independent company in which Zygons, a Doctor Who monster, have sex with humans…….because people wanted this.

NOT MINE:
Pink Room by Angelo Badamalenti (Warner Bros)
Footage from Zygon: When being you just isn’t enough (BBV Productions)
Clips and music from Doctor Who and Doctor Who (2005) (BBC)
Super Mario bros Theme (Nintendo)
Yakkity Sax by Boots Randolph (Monument)

You can watch this whole movie here: http://www.dailymotion.com/us?ff=1&urlback=%2Fvideo%2Fxnco1r_zygon-when-being-you-just-isn-t-enough-part-1_shortfilms

KingBomBeard plays EarthBound Episodes 28, 29 and 30

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

In this episode we carry on our trip through Summers and we find the part of EarthBound where the forth wall is completely knocked down

In this episode we are introduced to our forth and final friend and we also begin a very small mini series staring Prince Poo

In this episode Poo joins our heroes and we also find out who has replaced the Runaway Five at the theatre…and its very very underwhelming

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METROBLOG: Real Time Newsprint: St. Jude’s a bitch isn’t he?

I find stuff like this interesting because I’m a nerd for journalistic technique and if you don’t it probably means you have a life but get this:

Last night the MET office issued a severe weather warning saying there would be the worst storm the UK has seen in three years….or five years….or since 1987 depending on which news outlet that misheard the story you happened to be reading. Following that, most of the UK’s train companies issued a statement to the effect that all services would be cancelled between midnight and 9AM. So the free paper for commuters the Metro had quite an interesting route for its Monday morning edition open to them. The morning paper for the trains is specifically meant to be designed for the harrassed commuting office worker and now they had a glaringly obvious real life issue that would affect their readers that they could print about to try and make themselves seem relevent to their target audience. And boy did they go for this one:

scan0002

Since I went in to the station at 9AM and found a note scrawled by rail staff saying the 9AM limit on trains had been pushed back to 11 and found about twelve commuters that had bothered to hang around I also found the pile of copies of the Metro virtually untouched. Now I’m at home writing this blog and this copy of the Metro is precisely what I’ve been saying this paper should be since the beginning because they’ve themed almost every article in their opening few pages around weather and commuter misery and transport. How awesome is that?

This showed that in the age of instant smartphone updates, print media can still actually have some relevence to its audience as they go about their lives. The morning paper for London commuters is meant to be a comforting read. You’re depressed that about a fifth of your income goes on actually getting to work, you might have work problems or are just finding it hard to wake up, the morning paper is meant to socialise you again at that time of day. The only problem is printing media takes time and tailoring it to your audience even more effort to broaden your scope as there are quite a lot of people that could potentially read this. Yet here they had a firm warning for something that would affect commuters’ lives so they could tailor their news to be able to talk to commuters about their problems in real time and that front page article is so conversational in tone I’d say its exactly the sort of front page the Metro should be printing. If it was any other newspaper I’d complain it shouldn’t be front page news but here its highly relevent to their target audience.

So that got me thinking: why stop at the weather? The morning paper could speak to the reader about their daily life and act as that socialising comfort on a regular basis. The life of your average commuter is very bland and generic, you can’t get out of audience tailoring just because there’s a lot of them; life working in London isn’t thaaaat different for most people. Example, here is a list of keywords I regularly come across in my daily life as a london office worker:

Rail, travel, weather, coffee, underground, office, chair, desk, computer, wages, expenses, invoice, spreadsheet, meeting, email, logistics, lift, notes, folder, filing, minutes, accounts, lunch break, kettle, enquiry, phone call, numbers, calculator, etc

Most of these words could potentially apply to just about anyone.

So what you could easily do is construct a piece of news print that can speak to thousands of people but appear to be personal to them as they’re reading it which would be quite extraordinary and seriously unlike any piece of print media you would ever read. Just stick a few more keywords into this and you’ve basically got: PAPER FOR COMMUTERS. You can relate to their lives and go “Yeah your life is boring but here’s some interesting stuff we found on the internet” Its what the Metro’s really for but I just feel they could make their stories more personal. For example this is the front page for my fictional paper that speaks to commuters in real time:

yourpaper

Other casting ideas for Christian in the Fifty Shades of Grey movies

There’s been a huge uproar in the fan base of this awful franchise that Fifty Shades has somehow managed to retain since people outside its demographic actually started reading it and seeing it for the dangerous endorsement of abusive relationships and terrible writing that is is, over who should play Christian Grey in the movie adaptation currently in the works.

First choice announced was Charlie Hunnam who the fanbase didn’t approve of. I can see why, he’s an English actor who can’t do an American accent for shit. Then again he has a history of playing lecherous scumbags so it does fit with the role quite well. But he dropped out citing he wants to spend more time on TV roles and with his family…allegedly. My guess is he was flattered at first being offered the role of sexy Christian Grey who all the ladies fawn over…then he actually picked up the book and read it.  The same process the media has been going through since people started saying its good for feminism. Its important to actually read something before you start talking about its “message”.

Allegedly almost every big name Hollywood actor they’ve approached turned it down. When the rights were sold every actor wanted a piece of it because it would stroke their egos to see how sexy they apparently are. Now, none of them want to do it because they’ve read it and realised how poorly written it is and is probably going to be the next laughably bad Hollywood failure. So the first actor to say yes was someone off a kind of popular TV show. Now who’s their backup choice? A former Calvin Klein model who was in a BBC mini series once….wow, sure feel some star power attached to this thing.

So in case there’s going to be another backlash and last minute cast change and he’ll end up making a statement that he chose to leave and wasn’t pushed, I thought I’d offer my two cents on other potential casting choices for Christian Grey.

OTHER SUGGESTIONS FOR CASTING CHRISTIAN GREY

MOSS

Moss is such an underrated piece of vegetation. It can survive and grow pretty much anywhere. So whether this movie flops or not, you can be guaranteed that moss will survive and flourish regardless. So when this film inevitably becomes a box office failure because they took too long and Fifty Shades fell out of favour in popular culture and they’re now rushing it and having last minute casting problems, moss will carry on and keep up the good work of growing on rocks and starring in endless weepy soap operas. That and you’ve got to admit its absolutely gorgeous and appeals to all sorts of people. Whatever your type, Moss will satisfy your needs.

THIS PILE  OF BRICKS

 This Pile of Bricks has been acting since the very beginning. From when Jesus was doing magic tricks for easily impressed people with green skin conditions to when Shakespeare wrote the Tempest, a pile of bricks has always been there giving its all. Its last role was a heartfelt performance as Lois Lane in Man of Steel. Honestly when I was reading Fifty Shades of Grey I could definitely see this pile of bricks delivering such beautiful lines like “because I’m fifty Shades of fucked up Anastasia” and “you’ve disarmed me Anastasia, with your innocence”. Try reading some of these lines and not seeing them delivered by a pile of housing material. Deep.

THIS DRAWING OF A SNAIL THAT I DID

snail

He may be young, in fact since I only drew him 30 seconds ago, he’s definitely too young for this role, but he’s a fun little guy with a big heart. That may sound a bit strange a choice for casting Christian Grey but just because this drawing of a snail I did isn’t personally true to the character of Christian that doesn’t mean he can’t portray the part. He’s also very clever and could easily grasp the mindset of such a warped character. Not to mention; this drawing of a snail I did has the sex appeal akin to Christian Grey. He’s sexier than a carpet but not too sexy like a stapler, he’s just in the middle so he’ll fit realistically into this role.

THE GUY THAT PLAYED ROD IN BIRDEMIC: SHOCK AND TERROR.

Come on ladies, you know this one makes perfect sense.