An Out of Context Review of Pokemon the Movie 2000

Pokemon was a pop culture conspiracy that produced disturbing effects allowing for 9/11 and the invasion of Iraq. Here’s a review of the second movie to back up this wild accusation.

NOT MINE:
The Pink Room by Angelo Badalamenti (Warner Bros)
Pokemon are a trademark of Nintendo
Pokemon the Movie 2000 footage used for criticism and review (owned by Warner Bros/4Kids)
The Holy Mountain is owned by Tartan
Entry of the Gladiators Circus music – some people
Digimon Theme – Fox kids
Celebration – Kool and the Gang (Mercury)
2001 a Space Odyssey theme (Sony Classical)
Loadsa Pictures

KingBomBeard plays EarthBound Episodes 16, 17 and 18

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

In this episode we go after the third “Your Sanctuary” Location but after having a surprisingly potent cup of Coffee

In this episode we leave Threed and we get stuck in a desert…which is always fun

In this episode we explore the new City of Fourside and something about it doesn’t feel right

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#WTFJustHappened with Stuart Hardy – A twisted Guide to Modern Britain – @z1radio

What The Fuck Just Happened? Stuart and Rick deconstruct the media and put it into layman’s terms. A combination of sketches and satire.

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This Week We Watched – Strictly Come Dancing – Essentially 75 minutes of watching people pick some dance partners, hosted by Bruce Forsyth whilst embalming fluid drips from his skeleton.

Bullshit Headlines include: ‘GARETH SINKS A COCKTAIL’, ‘MY ALARM CROC’ and ‘MEET VLADIMIR POOCHIN’

This Week We Read – One Direction: Where We Are – the book about the band that just haven’t had enough written about them already.

And in our Blunt Movie Guide we tell you what happens in all the films you don’t want to see, so that you really don’t have to see them. This week, R.I.P.D., futuristic ‘Halle Berry Has A Career’ sci-fi flick The Call and we have the exclusive trailer for Margaret Thatcher: Mecha Cyborg.

So if you’ve ever read the paper, watched a programme or heard about a film and thought, What The Fuck Just Happened? This may well be for you

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KingBomBeard plays Croc: Legend of the Gobbos Episodes 7, 8 and 9

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

In this episode we finish off the Snowy Island and we move onto the Desert Island and stress starts to get the better of me for some reason

In this episode I have recovered from my stress induced rage state and we can continue on with the Desert Island

In this Episode we go through some more of the desert island and we take on a the next boss…and my platforming skills (or lack there of) are put to the ultimate test with a Gobbo on the end of a small platform above water

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KingBomBeard plays EarthBound Episodes 13, 14 and 15

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

In this episode we continue our tour of Winters with Jeff and the Monkey and we meet some new (old if you have been paying attention to this game) friends

In this episode we take a look around freed with our new friend Jeff and we discover the unofficial mascot of the Mother (EarthBound) Series

In this episode we continue to help the Mr Saturn and we also enter a strange facility behind a Waterfall

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An Out of Context Special: Is Catdog actually possible?

This week, a little experiment to see if the premise of one of the greatest children’s cartoons ever made would actually be possible.

NOT MINE:
The Pink Room by Angelo Badalamenti (Warner Bros)
Footage and theme from Catdog (Nickelodeon)
Theme from 2001 a Space Odyssey (Sony Classical)
Several Pictures

KingBomBeard plays Croc: Legend of the Gobbos Episodes 4, 5 and 6

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

In this Episode we begin our adventure through the Snow Island. Its just a regular Winter Wonderland…in the middle of Autumn…well I do live in England

In this episode we go through some more of the snowy Island and we come across a strange phantom Gobbo

In this episode we continue through the Snowy Island and I go off on many a tangent

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METROBLOG: Two star blog entry about review scores

A little break from usual format, I’m going to have a bitch at the Evening Standard this time. Mostly because I’m currently writing this while sat in King’s Cross while a train company that will go unnamed (but its easy to figure out which one) decide whether or not they can be arsed to get me home this evening and how much to raise my fares by with absolutely no indication of there being fewer delays. Seriously guys, I have one message to you on the 4% increase news…admittedly none of its printable but anyway.

So yeah, this is what the Evening Standard’s album review section looked like on Friday:

scan0001

Noticed something? I have and its a problem loads of newspapers and magazines covering “reviews of stuff” have. Everything has four stars. You might call this coincidence, you might say quite a lot of good albums came out but I call it “having no standards” and when your paper’s name is “the evening standard” that’s a problem. If everything’s awesome, what’s so awesome about being awesome? Why should I care its come out? The reviewers seem to just throw out four stars to anything just to get it over with. Its especially obvious here since those first two album reviews, Yoko Ono then Elton John, are both four stars BUT the Yoko Ono one when you actually read it is overall positive in language and tone, however when you read the Elton John one it says “there are no obvious hits here” and “the lyrics are rubbish” and there are about five positive words towards the end…yet they still both have four stars. Why?

This is the entire reason why people have stopped trusting reviewers. When its this obvious the tone of a piece is being tampered with so we don’t upset the record labels by saying something mean about a big name artist and we end up giving it a really high score, it feels less like a review and more like an advert.

reviews
I tend to buy Metal Hammer on a regular basis (God knows why) and they do this shit too. 20-30 releases a month and bar a couple, every single one has a score of between 7 and 9. How is that a helpful indicator of anything? I don’t understand, are the record companies paying you to do it so we’ll think “yay” and buy it? Your review and score have to tally or I don’t have any choice but to think this has happened as a consumer. When Metal Hammer reviewed the last Van Halen Album “A Different Kind of Truth” they gave it 6/10, but when I actually read the review, there was not a single compliment, absolutely nothing positive whatsoever. So what choice do I have but to think the record label pay off the media to give good reviews to any old shit their bands pump out?

Giving something a star rating or a mark out of ten is baasically shorthand for your general opinion on a release. A way of indicating to the reader a simple yay or nay so they can skim-read your dreary remarks of “yeah, sokay I guess, I’ve really seen or heard too many of these in my career and now everything’s just a general sludgy mush of mediocrity so…whatever four stars”.

People read reviews because they want an indication of whether a movie, album, book or video game that looks interesting is any good. We all have limited disposable income here and if a publication polishes its tiaras and its turds to make them look the same…well why are you bothering publishing reviews? Why not advertise dishwashing liquid? Sell stocks, stack shelves in Sainsburys, anything else. If everything smells of roses to you then there is no way in hell you should take up reviewing. Grow a set of standards.

…So yeah, this blog was undernourished and not very well thought out. Two stars.

**

KingBomBeard plays EarthBound Episodes 10, 11 and 12

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

In this episode we go to the second “Your Sanctuary” Location and we discover something that shouldn’t happen

In this episode we look around Threed and some Crazy and Creepy stuff happens

In this Episode we take control of a new Character, Jeff and we meet a Monkey and have some crazy adventure with said Monkey

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KingBomBeard plays Croc: Legend of the Gobbos Episodes 1, 2 and 3

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

Welcome to my brand new Let’s Play of a game from my childhood this is one of the first games I ever played on a PS1

In this episode we complete half of world 1 and we overload on cuteness!!!

In this episode we continue on our adventure and things don’t go as smoothly as I hoped.

In this episode we finish off the first island and take on our second boss fight

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