He Who Moans Review of Doctor Who: The Seventh Doctor Retrospective



Sylvester McCoy is the best actor to portray the Doctor. If you have ever said anything to the contrary then I’m sorry but I have to tell you this: you are wrong. I’m very sorry but I just had to let you know.

KingBomBeard plays EarthBound Episodes 4, 5 and 6

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

In this episode we go through Giant Step to get the first melody

In this Episode we travel to Twoson and we find out Paula is missing! Do we have what it takes to save her?

In this episode we begin our quest to go and save the young girl named Paula…but something is blocking our path



METROBLOG: Why I probably won’t wade into satire on the Syrian crisis

Dear World Events: please stop being so depressing. I’m a blog looking at the way news is presented. Y’know: light hearted. My first one of these was about a spider crab. I did one about a story on an NHS boss dressing up as Superman. I never wanted these blogs to be simple political opinion diatribe but given the papers keep making it look like we’re heading into another war, I don’t really feel like I can rag on tiny stories about Taylor Swift or a puppy fell down a well at the moment. Tiny news stories at the moment do feel insignificant for good reason. Some stuff needs to be talked about and a lot of it is very depressing. Yes: we’re talking about press coverage of the Syrian Crisis. I know I’m not the most most professional person to comment on this particularly tough situation of humanitarian intervention, but given the tone the press is taking, I feel it only right to offer my two cents.


Suggestion: how’s about every single article on this topic from here on out be renamed with the following headline:


And then upon the next article it to read:


And then all articles on the subject after that to be titled:


Yeah this is my new brand of “depressing comedy” that I’m thinking about patenting. Since war humour kinda got old in the last decade over Iraq and Afghanistan, satirists are going to have to branch out with this new one that’s brewing. We’ve got North Korea, Syria, hell we’re not even out of Afghanistan yet and the struggle to laugh in the face of adversity has really taken its toll and its getting harder to remain fresh. We’re going to have to find new ways of managing to make fun of the world while this shit goes down. And also a way of justifying it so we can sleep at night without hating ourselves too much. Yes I know David Cameron’s great big “hey everybody! let’s bomb Syria! …what? at least try peace talks before blowing the shit out of people, fuck that?” got shot down in the House of Commons (funniest moment of political history) buuut if you think that’s gonna stop him you’re deluding yourself. Doesn’t matter what he’s said, politicians win elections in wartime and he’s got one coming up.

I don’t want to be too depressing when I take a swipe at world events and how it’s covered in the press but given recent events I find it hard to muster up the enthusiasm for it since…well a lot of people have died and I’d feel like a prick.

This stems back from when I studied politics at A-level. The first year of it covered local politics: Britain’s electoral system, the history of it and how it works, it was relatively harmless. Then in the second year we weighed into international politics. We were introduced to this heavy subject by being shown the movie “Hotel Rwanda” a double bill with “The Princess Diaries” to make sure we didn’t feel too suicidal afterwards. And rest assured all sharp objects were confiscated and kept out of reach throughout the duration….and Hotel Rwanda is one of the nicer movies about horrifying international politics related incidents. Just watch that movie and tell yourself “this is the one that’s rated 12A”.

One thing that’s interesting about what I keep reading about the allied forces response to Syrian chemical weapons attacks on civilians: the use of the phrase “military strikes”. This may seem completely normal if you’re taking what the papers say at face value but the words “strike” and “bombing” have frequently accompanied the words “humanitarian intervention” and “moral” in the last three decades worth of Middle Eastern conflicts rather innocuously and it baffles me why that doesn’t seem weird to other people. Yes I know they’ve gone to the UN for a resolution but it doesn’t matter, UN resolution doesn’t make it happy air strike that explodes in a shower of cuddles, chocolate and bunnyrabbits, death is death. This is the mentality we’re looking at: bombing is the most moral form of humanitarian intervention.

I’m not one of those trouser wearing hippies that say everyone should just hug each other and say “hooray the conflict’s over” without the fighting. If someone’s using chemical weapons you saying “why don’t you just jolly well stop it?” isn’t really an effective deterrent. You try it yes, that should be your first port of call which is what’s provoked the outrage, buuuut well that’s why things escalate to bombing. So why am I moaning? Why is it so depressing? Well because if this crisis over Syria is any indication its that we still haven’t found a solution to humanitarian intervention that doesn’t involve a lot of innocent people getting blown to pieces. I know that yes their government is responsible for other innocent people getting blown to pieces but the question of whether the means justify the ends isn’t exactly an open and shut case and the fact this is presented to us as an open and shut case in the media and people swallow it just makes me ashamed to be a member of this fucked up species.

No: I don’t have any alternatives to whatever the piss David Cameron and Barack Obama are cooking up. The problem I have with it is the media tactic employed weighing firmly on one side of the argument that no one has an answer to, no one is right on whether military strikes in Syria are a good idea….yet here we are and we’re talking about it like its a good idea because no one can think of anything else to do.

It was the same when Blair was around. The reason it was okay to demonise Blair is because his approach to international politics was surround storming into Middle Eastern conflicts all guns blazing and people getting fucking killed with the words “humanitarian intervention” and calling himself moral, his trying to pass off what is basically just straight up murder as having a high ground. Yeah you may have stopped death but you caused death to get there, whether you’re in a tight spot and have no alternative or not stop trying to talk your way round it and make out you’re doing something saintly, people are going to die because of you. Whether you have a choice or not that makes you guilty whatever the outcome, there’s no defence for that, drop the smugness. That’s why you should’ve hated Blair and Bush back then and that’s why you should be dubious of whatever Cameron and Obama come out with now about yet another example of fucked up Middle Eastern politics getting more fucked up because the Western forces think they could fuck it up slightly less than if they left it alone. Yes, chemical attacks on civilians by a government, something should be done. But look at civilian deaths caused during the invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan and then try calling any form of war justified. Yeah we can only speculate on what might have happened otherwise but at the same time drop the moral pretences and stay firmly off that high horse because blood on your hands should never be something to be proud of.

If we have to be depressed at what political leaders want to be seen done to end some bloody strife in the Middle East, don’t use flowery words to distract from a lot of innocent people that will probably get killed in the process, this is a serious issue where not everything’s black or white and if this Metro article or anything else I’ve read over the last couple of days on the Syrian crisis says anything: spin will claim it’s all white.

Fuck this species.

COMING THIS MONDAY: a silly video review of some movie about talking animals.

KingBomBeard plays Sonic the Hedgehog episodes 1, 2 and 3

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

Welcome to my New Let’s Play of SONIC THE HEDGEHOG for the Sega Megadrive (Genesis if you called it that)

This Let’s Play Will be updated every Tuesday and Thursday.

In this episode we start this game off and we go through the Green Hill Zone

In this episode we go through Marble Zone…and spend some time admiring the acid trip that is Special Stage 3

In this episode we go through Spring Yard Zone and we go after the last two Chaos Emeralds



KingBomBeard plays EarthBound Episodes 1, 2 and 3

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

Welcome to another new Let’s Play this is one of my favourite games of all time. This is the Super Nintendo Classic, EarthBound.

In this episode we begin our journey into the world of EarthBound

This LP will be updated every: Monday, Wednesday and Friday

After being away for just over 2 weeks due to computer trouble, I am back. and here is the next Part of the EarthBound Let’s Play.

In this episode we continue our journey with the mysterious ‘Bee’ known only as Buzz Buzz

In this episode we take on the Sharks down in Onett





An Out of Context Review of Braver – a Disney Ripoff

For every major Hollywood superstar, there always has to be a criminal shister ripping them off and making a killing on the side in cheap knock offs. Such is the case with subject of recent lawsuit from Disney, Brightspark, a small British animation company selling their movies to major supermarkets that sort of look like current Disney releases. We’re here to talk about one of them: Braver (not Brave, this one’s BraveR)

(Apologies for the patchy audio, I was trying out a boom mic and…didn’t really work. I promise I’ll be good, pwease still watch me?)


Pink Room by Angelo Badalamenti
Braver by Brightspark Animations
Star Wars Episode 1 Title crawl (Lucasfilm)
Footage of a dog doing a poo (Youtube user popparispoplondon)

The only way to make the Fifty Shades of Grey Movie work (in my opinion)

When I say this I’m talking from a storytelling perspective and if we’re trying to say something artistic about the book. An adaptation is not just the story on-screen, there wouldn’t be a point of that. Slavishly faithful adaptations are boring from a film making standpoint.

I know this idea is horrible but trust me, this is the only way to truly reflect what’s actually in the book in an artistic way.

If you’re going to tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about, then please go to the following link and buy this and the first three books most popularly bought with it. Then we’ll talk.


METROBLOG: We need to talk about university

Author’s note: recent newspaper articles on this topic killed the media technique analytical satirist in Stuart and brought the cold bitter wanker who’s completely intolerant of other people’s opinions back to the surface. And if you think I’m wrong and don’t happen to have been a university student at some point in the last five years, I have more reason to be right on this than you do, fair?

Okay Metro (and any other newspapers and grown up people listening) we need to talk about university. Specifically we need to talk about what people with absolutely no fucking authority to talk on the subject think of university. No this isn’t going to be one of those fun entries because now we’re on the subject of people talking about my generation like we aren’t able to pick up a newspaper and read it.


I’ve done opinions on other people’s opinions before but this letters page is a massive example of people offering uninformed opinions because the paper has told them what to think. The idea that this degree is worthless in the real world or this other degree is meaningless and university is a bloated waste and you should do vocational courses is an idea perpetuated by the media. It’s unfathomable to me why no one can see it and just regurgitate such massively stupid opinions because the journalists that told them to think this way couldn’t be fucked to do any sort of research.

The perceived worthlessness of the degree goes back to the creation of the phrase “Mickey Mouse degree” as in referring to the media studies or arts degrees with no perceived real world value was invented by the papers several years ago and people’s parents just rolled with it. Do you seriously not see what they’ve done here? What’s so illogical about studying how to get into a profession that’s notorious for being really hard to get into? That’s the one question you need to ask before you brush off a media or an arts degree as meaningless in the real world. The media perpetuates the idea degrees are meaningless because it’s an exclusionary industry. If someone younger and more energetic and talented comes along then their job’s in jeopardy. Discouraging education on how to break into it is in the media’s interest.

University is meant to be about studying something you love. Parents and the media are always banging on about how nobody goes into the sciences anymore but if you don’t really like something that much then what’s the point in doing it? You’ll spend three years studying something you find boring, end up a scientist and find it boring and end up spending the rest of your life staring into the flames of the Bunsen burner wondering whether you should drink the sulphuric acid or melt your face off as a means of escaping the drudgery of an existence you find boring. Even so there are hundreds of people up and down the country with supposedly the worthwhile degrees working in petrol stations and supermarkets. Meaningless or not a degree choice should be based on what you want to do, not what other people think is a waste of time or not.

As for the whole “we should make young people more aware of alternatives to university” The problem with this statement that has somehow been used fifty billion times in the last week alone is it’s said by people from the time before every bastard had a degree. I’m sorry but if you didn’t graduate within the last decade, the world has moved on without you and its time you faced that. It’s not that the degree’s value depreciates because everyone has one so much so its become a requirement for a decent job (which it has) it’s that it offers a jumping on point for what you want to do and shows to an employer you care about something enough to spend three years doing it. Fine, a degree isn’t for everyone and not everyone has the aptitude for it and someone’s got to work in Asda but the argument put forth that some degrees are worthless and lots of young people shouldn’t be doing it really gets to me because people are talking about students rather than to them. The reason studies have shown prospective students aren’t sure about the degrees is because people endlessly talk about how useless they are nowadays and not listening to what the prospective student wants to do.

Speaking as someone who has been through university in the last few years I have more reason to offer an opinion on the current state of the system I can say this: it’s not the degree that’s worthless. I have a creative writing degree, one of the supposed Mickey Mouse degrees and now I’m currently working your bog standard graduate job on your bog standard graduate salary in a company with absolutely no relevance to my degree. What my degree did was give me opportunities to gain skills in other areas and become more independent, I did student radio, I went on to do volunteer work. The problem wasn’t the degree; it was the careers guidance.

All they fucking do is offer you a website link and a piece of paper that says the word CV and a load of buzzwords on it and tell you to get an internship. They don’t actually offer any firm advice on creating your own experience, becoming self-reliant and actually growing up. The market is oversaturated with graduates with useless degrees and nothing else, true, but the reason these people are not getting jobs is they think the qualifications are enough when they’re just one part of it. Every site I have looked at, every lecture on it I was given, I am fully convinced that absolutely no one working in the field of careers guidance knows what they’re talking about. What an employer wants is someone who is passionate about something and uses their time on this planet to invest in it. They’re going to have to see this new recruit round the office every day, might as well get someone interesting to talk to. On CV writing, no one gives a shit you worked in a shop for two years, no one cares about your grades, they are important as it indicates how well you grasp hard work, but the reasons graduates aren’t getting jobs is we’re being told to give up on our dreams because they aren’t realistic. Your hobby isn’t worthwhile, bollocks if you care about something enough to work on it in your spare time, isn’t that a good thing? A part time job and a bunch of pieces of paper with letters and numbers on them don’t make a person an interesting employee, what they want is to see that you don’t need to be told to do something constructive.

Look at this for example from the Student Room, the UK’s biggest student info website. Its one of those articles you’re meant to accept at face value because these people should know what they’re talking about. They also should know how to tailor an article to an audience and if your site name is “THE STUDENT ROOM” this article really shouldn’t be the most prominent one when you click on “HOW THE CRAP DO I GET A JOB AFTER UNI”? I have no idea who the hell this is tailored to but it certainly isn’t graduates as it assumes students haven’t just got out of full time education with no experience five seconds ago. I’ve included annotations anyone with two brain cells could spot. (click it to see full size)

what to put on your cv annotated

Degrees and qualifications are not the issue. Its the careers guidance industry really not understanding that people in the working world are people, they are the same species. Students: don’t be afraid of employers, they are people, and put as much work into your hobbies as possible and they will see you for who you are. Making your own experience is possible, you don’t need to spend four weeklong internships making coffee around an office to do an office job, the only reason those exist at all is companies can’t be arsed to pay people, its not constructive. Don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t otherwise you’ll just end up working some bollocks job you hate and end up topping yourself by your late thirties. Have hopes and interests.

And papers and parents of students be them prospective, current or graduate: stop telling people to give up on their dreams, you are depressing young people, ruining their lives and you’re doing nothing but making them more and more miserable and demotivated. Employers like people with hopes and dreams, they won’t employ a broken spirit. Unless you can empathise with them and offer support, the employment market is just going to keep getting worse and you’re just exacerbating it by talking about us like we’re not listening. Its not wrapping us in cotton wool, it is kicking us when we’re down and at our most vulnerable. There’s a word we used to use for that: bullying. Stop telling young people what they should be doing, treat them like the grown ups they are supposed to be becoming.

Rant over.

An Out of Context Review of Man of Steel

Man of Steel was a movie that came out this summer. Some people liked it and some people didn’t. I found it strange and confusing. Here is what I thought of it.

– Herbalcrackpot (movie critic and furry internet thing)


Pink Room by Angelo Badalamenti (Warner Bros.)
Stalin: Man of Steel – a feature length documentary made by the history channel
That trailer and poster for Man of Steel (Warner Bros.)
Night Fever – The Bee Gees (Reprise)
Cute little puppies from Animal Planet
Poster from Chicken Run (Aardman/Dreamworks?
The sound effect from the Dramatic Squirell Video
The Soviet Union National Anthem

KingBomBeard plays Pokemon Yellow Bonus#2 and #3

Hail to kingBombBeard. He is a man that makes let’s plays in affiliation with this site.

In this episode we go into the Seafoam Islands and we find the Legendary Bird Pokemon Articuno

In this final bonus episode we travel back to Cerulean City and venture into the Cerulean Cave and find some rare and interesting Pokemon….also I do something very special at the end for all of you Lovely People

I Hope you have enjoyed this Let’s Play and I hope are all looking forward to the next one

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