by Stuart Hardy on Friday, 23 January 2009 at 21:21
Well, I just had a fun experience, I just went to the hospital, not because I dislocated my knee which I seem to do every 9 months or so, but because I was told I have a retina detaching….3 months ago, I was told this three fucking months ago. Now its 3 months down the line, I finally get the long delayed appointment and lo and behold: it’s fixed itself! HAHAHAHA!!! Y’know, I don’t approve of people advocating private health and all this “NHS is shit, lets close it” attitude that we’ve been seeing more of recently but……HAHAHAHA!!! Just fucking hilariously bad form there. Apparently a retina had detached or something, dunno the whole technical shit about it, but it sealed itself and is meant to have happened ages ago, and I did not notice, this really just shows how unobservant I am, and this fucking involved my observation anyway, how the hell did I not notice that I had a detached retina? Well it did take me about 2 months after it happened to find out that Isaac Hayes is dead, maybe I really am unobservant…………….what did I just say again?
Best thing about it was that they gave me these eye drops which made my pupils all massive and made it feel like I had no eyes. For a moment it was really, really unsettling, cos, I’m an avid horror film fan and am no stranger to seeing someone with eyes sliced out of their sockets…and now look at me. And I’m told to not touch my eyes for twenty minutes until it wears off, why does this always happen? If you want to touch something, apparently you’re not meant to, okay that sounded wrong, but back in context for a second. Saying don’t touch really doesn’t detract from my desire to do something, okay? My eyes have been removed from their sockets and I just wanna see if I poke it the eyelid sorta bends inward or something. I mean yeah, I can see, but WHERE THE FUCK DID MY FUCKING EYES GO??
Then when that calmed down, my vision went all blurry and I lost the ability to read, which was just fucking hilarious. It was like I’d become a white trash redneck, can’t even read a sign saying “PLEASE DO NOT ENTER” let alone the essay question I was meant to be doing for homework. Fucking hilarious, I was a hillbilly for about five hours, couldn’t read a thing, all I needed to go with that was eleven kids, no brain cells and scurvy, and then I’d be the real thing. There was that and this made me feel kinda high. I mean, I don’t take drugs, but its like my hand was waving around in front of my face in front of a paper background, fucking weird, couldn’t focus on anything. Might explain why I kicked a plant over thinking it was a small child, dunno what came over me there. I was like this for a few hours afterwards, it was really weird, like when I came close to things, my eyes started to bleed, kind of like when I saw Titanic, only slightly less EXCRUCIATING than that.
Anyway, that’s basically all I came on to say, don’t really know why I bothered, but anyway. My eyes are back to normal now, if I tried tyoping thisn while noet being abel too see the keyjboard thenn I might make evem more spwelling mistakes thant I usually do. Apparently I have to go back in 3 months for another checkup, so if its anything like this time, I should end up going back about…July…August, I’ll go with August. Great, exams on the way, knowing my luck, I’ll probably have a detatched retina for that. So my entire future pretty much depends on the hospital’s ability not to fuck up again…………………we’ll just wait and see how that turns out.